What The Rain Can't Wash Away
by castingstarlight
Summary: *Final piece of The Look In Her Eyes Trilogy* 16 years after Lucifer rose, and Dean lost his wife he finds himself with a teenager, a Nephilim, an angel, and his brother living out a Full House rerun with some seriously dark undertones. How will he be able to raise his daughter, fight monsters, and deal with the loss of the love of his life? Sometimes moving on is the hardest part.
1. Little Town Full of Little People

Chapter One

Little Town Full of Little People

Dean

The air smelled like popcorn, corn dogs, and hay. Little kids scurried along the streets of downtown Lebanon wearing their Halloween costumes, squealing. Claire wore a witch hat, despite her insistence of not wanting to dress up. That was the thing about falling in love, it makes you do crazy things. I should know, Nel had me, Sam, and Cas dressed up as the Ghost Busters.

"_I feel ridiculous." I complained as Nel snapped me into my back pack_.

"_Well I worked hard on these costumes, so get over it."_

"_And what are you?"_

_She rolled her eyes, pointing to her pale face paint. "Jackie and I are obviously ghosts?"_

_Of course. What was I thinking. _

"Look What Ellie got me!" Jack exclaimed, showing us the cotton candy in his hand. "It is delicious."

"I'll say." I grinned, plucking a piece of the pink fluff and sticking it in my mouth.

"She has very good taste." Jack said with a nod.

"Come here, Jackie!" Nel said, waiving him over to one of the games. It was pumpkin painting. "Want to do one?"

"Oh yes!" He said with a gleam in his eye. The three kids huddled around the pumpkins. Nel and Jack painted while Claire instructed Jack on creepy paint ideas.

Cas, Sam, and I hung back. "She had a dream." I said low to them.

"What do you mean?"

"It's like we had the same dream last night. Like she was tapped into my head." I glanced to Sam.

"That's...oh." Sam said with a frown. "You think its a psychic thing?"

"Don't you?"

Cas raised an eyebrow. "They do not mention this in the parenting books."

"We already have one super powered kid burning off his soul." I pinched the bridge of my nose. "And another that's a reckless hunter." I sighed. "Pretty sure they don't cover _any _of this."

"Maybe she could be helpful with our current predicament." Castiel offered, eyeing me.

"No way. I don't want her in my head, Cas. It's a fucking mess in there."

"I mean, Cas has a point. You saw how powerful I was."

"This isn't a conversation we are having." I huffed. "You also saw what happened. You had to juice up to do all of that and we sure as shit aren't doing that to my daughter. She deserves to be normal." I watched her painting on the pumpkin. She threw her head back and laughed at something that Jack said. They looked happy. _Fuck she deserves to be happy._

"You brought it up, man."

"Because I am worried, not because I want to use her as a weapon. We've been watching her her whole life... and yours didn't show up until you were twenty three. Why is hers happening now?"

"She's a wild card, Dean. We've always known that she ingested more than I ever did." Sam said carefully. "We don't know what she's capable of. Maybe its coming out from all the stress."

I shook my head. "So it's my fault."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to."

Nel turned to me, catching me watching. She waved at me.

I winked back at her. My daughter, the light of my fucking life. All I wanted was for her to have a normal life. I worked my ass off for that, but I always knew in the back of my head that she wouldn't be able to be normal. How could she after everything we've been through? After the name she was given. _Winchester_. It was like the kiss of death.

She whispered something in Claire's ear, and she turned to look at me. I shrugged. Wasn't gonna apologize for watching her. Ever since she was a baby I couldn't look at her enough. She looked like Ava. In the way that she moved, and laughed. In her nose. Her eyes in the right light. She was everything. Even though I knew I'd have to say goodbye I wasn't ready. How could I ever be?

"We should just watch her. Ya know?" I said carefully. "And when I go under, you two need to watch her too. We can't let these kids go dark side. No matter what." I turned away.

"Dean where are you going?"

"Getting a beer, Sammy. Don't worry. I promised her a nice day. I don't break promises to my kid if I can avoid it."

I walked away. My feet crunching leaves as I walked down Main Street to the vender selling beer off the tap.

"Hey! Dean!"

I turned to find Cami, the waitress from The Little Pancake, jogging to me.

"Hey." I forced a smile, taking my beer. "You, uh, want a drink?"

"Sure." She smiled widely, pushing her red hair behind her ear. I'd never seen it down before, it had a nice wave to it.

I nodded to the bartender. "We will take another of the same thing." I said, sitting some cash down. The man handed us a another cup and I offered it to her.

"Thank you so much." She said, her cheeks pink. "You here with Eleanor?"

"Yeah." I said with a laugh. "Wouldn't dress like this on my own." I gestured to the costume.

"She's spirited." Cami laughed.

"That's an understatement."

"What about you?"

"Oh, I'm here alone." She said nervously. Her cheeks were painted to look like a cats face.

I smiled a bit. "So no one is forcing you into face paint?"

"Oh! This?" Her cheeks grew even more red. "No, I just saw one of the kids that always comes into the diner... and she was doing the paint and offered. Does it look terrible?"

"Nah." I said with a shrug. "It's cute. Nel used to paint my face, too."

Cami smiled to herself and sipped her beer. "She's a special girl. You two seem very close."

"We are." I agreed, taking a swig of my own beer. "Always have been."

"Most dads that I see come in with their daughters seem so awkward. They're both on their phones, but you two never are. It's nice."

I smiled at her, noticing the sun catching a gold fleck in her brown eyes. "Didn't know you paid that close of attention."

"Of course I do." She said gently.

"Hey Dad, I..." Nel said, jogging up holding her pumpkin. "Oh, hi Cami."

I turned to my daughter to catch her grinning from ear to ear. I internally sighed, realizing what this must look like. "It was nice talking to you, Cami." I said forcing a smile.

"You too, Dean." She responded quietly, with a small smile. "Thanks for the beer."

"Anytime." I said with a shrug. I walked to Nel and threw my arm over her shoulder. "Let's see the pumpkin."

She showed it to me, it was black and white striped with green paint dripping down it. "Beetle juice." I grinned. "That's my girl."

She leaned into me. "Sorry to interrupt you two."

"You didn't. She was just saying hi. We were actually talking about you." I glanced at her.

"We need to practice talking to girls, Dad." She laughed.

"Nah, you're the only girl I need to talk to." I said, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"Why do you do that?" She asked me, stopping us.

"Do what?"

"Refuse to be happy?"

"I'm not refusing, kid. All things considered, I am happy. I don't need to be in a relationship to be full." I pushed her hair behind her ear. "I've had my great love. Don't really need another one." _Plus, that's just one more person to disappoint. One more person to miss me when I'm in the coffin. _

"You really think there's only one person out there? You don't think we get more than one chance."

I smiled down at her. "For you, sweetheart, you will get a million chances. You're good. For me? Nah. It was your mom. Period, end of story, roll credits. I'm okay with that. You don't need to worry about me." I said, beginning to walk again. Ending the conversation. How could I explain to her that I never wanted any of this? I never let myself want the apple pie life. The marriage, the kid, the home. With Ava I had a taste, more than I ever deserved. I saw her in that bar and everything changed. Then I saw my daughter look up at me with big tired eyes, and fuck everything changed again, but no matter what I was still me. I was Dean Winchester, and shit just didn't work out for me. Even under the setting sun, and growing full moon, the smell of fire, and the laughter of kids, I knew that I wasn't meant to stick around in this world. Otherwise, why was death always knockin on my door? No matter what I did, we would always end up here. We would always end up having to say goodbye.

Ella 

Dad's arm felt heavy around my shoulders. He was smiling, but there was something else behind it. There was an unbelievable sadness within him. I wrapped one arm around him in a hug and let go. "I'm gonna go see if Jack wants to ride the Ferris wheel now that it's starting to get dark." I offered weakly.

"Sounds good."

I walked to Jack and Claire. "You guys want to go for a ride?" I asked, gesturing to the Ferris wheel.

Jack gulped audibly. "Really? Is it safe?"

"Nope." Claire grinned.

"Babe stop. Yeah, Jackie. It's perfectly safe." I offered him my hand, sitting my pumpkin down next to Cas, who was sitting on a bench next to Sam. "Watch our stuff?"

"Sure." Cas shrugged.

Jack took my hand nervously, and Claire rolled her eyes, taking my other spare hand. I lead us to the Ferris wheel. I gave the carnie our tickets and the three of us squeezed into the seat.

"Not very romantic." Claire complained.

"Shh." I leaned in and kissed her. "Every moment I'm with you is romantic, no matter what." I promised.

Jack gasped when we started to move upwards he gripped my hand tightly and I smiled widely at him. "Hey it's good." I promised him.

"Yes..." He said carefully, starting to relax. "I think it is."

"I needed to talk to you guys in private." I said, looking at Dad below as other people started to get onto the Ferris wheel.

"What's going on?" Claire asked, eyeing me.

"I had a dream last night. It was really vivid." I said carefully. "I think I saw my moms death."

"How could you have seen that, El?"

I shrugged, shaking my head. "Honestly, I have no idea. But it isn't the first weird dream I've had lately." I admitted.

"Like what?" Jack leaned in to the conversation.

"When you were sick... Jack I saw you die." I sniffled, wiping a tear before it could roll down my cheek. "I don't know... I didn't think much about it. It was my worst nightmare, but then it happened just like I saw it..." I shook my head. "I'm getting really freaked out here. When I mentioned the dream to Dad he got all stiff. I think he knows more than what he's saying."

"Why don't you ask him?" Jack asked quietly.

"I think he will lie to me, Jackie. He's been doing that a lot lately. Apparently he's been doing it my whole life."

Claire laced her fingers with mine. "What does your gut say?"

I laughed humorlessly. "Well, maybe I'm psychic. I don't know it sounds _ridiculous_, right? But what if... what if it's true? What if I am one of the things my Dad hunts?"

"He would never hurt you, Ella. You've gotta know that." Claire said insistently.

"I.. I do.. I mean I think I do." I sighed as we crept up higher. "But what if there's something else." I met her eyes and then turned to Jack. "What if I have powers... what if I could help him? Don't I have to try?"

"Hey, we don't even know what this is. Don't get ahead of yourself." Claire said, alarmed.

"I don't exactly know who to ask about this, Claire. My Dad? I can't... He won't like it."

"What about Sam or Cas?" Jack offered. "Sam is very understanding about things."

"No... he will tell Dad. He has to, right?"

"What about Rowena?" Claire offered. "I don't like you talking to witches... but she would probably know something about all of this."

"I think I'll call her when we get back." I said, looking down at my Dad. He looked like a spec below. _What should I do? _I thought, frustrated before he glanced up at me. Almost like he heard me. I swallowed hard. _Impossible. _"If there's something to this... maybe I can find the answer for Dad. Maybe I can help him."

"Maybe I could." Jack offered. "I could over power Michael."

"No." I said, squeezing his hand. "Jackie I won't let you do that. You won't burn away any more of you soul. Okay? You have to promise me."

He sighed. He looked as helpless as I felt. "Okay."

"You can't tell him what we are doing, Jackie." I said insistently. "He won't let us figure it out. It has to be a secret. That's how you can help. Help me by keeping quiet."

Jack searched my face. He hated lying. I knew he did, but he nodded. "Yes. Okay I will do it."

I let go of Claires hand and hugged him tightly. "Thanks little brother."

"You are welcome."

I released him and let Claire put her arm around me. "I'm sorry I ruined your first Ferris wheel ride."

"No." Jack said shaking his head. "I like spending time with you. I don't care what we do."

"Look at that." I said, pointing out. "It's the whole town. Its starting to light up."

"They all look so small." He said quietly.

"That's because they are small, Jack." Claire said. "There are so much bigger things, places, people than in this small little town. Bigger things than that bunker."

"Hey," I whispered, taking her cheek in my hand. "You okay?"

"No." She whispered, pressing her forehead to mine. "I wanted you to have fun today, but you're so worried. You're always so worried."

"It's basically my M-O."

"I don't like it."

"I'll stop worrying when there's nothing to worry about." I winked. "Which may mean you need to stop hunting." I laced my fingers with her hand that wasn't around me. "Because it isn't just Dad that I worry about, ya know."

"I feel like I'm intruding.." Jack said awkwardly.

Laughter bubbled up inside of me, and I busted up. "God we have such a weird family."

Claire grinned before busting up too. "That's a fucking understatement."

"Okay, no more drama." I agreed. "Let's just have fun."

Claire's face relaxed and she nodded, giving me a kiss.

We got off the Ferris wheel. My three dads met us with popcorn and candy apples. They looked like huge dorks in their costumes, I loved it. Growing up as a Winchester was probably not a normal childhood, but it was the one I had. We all hooked arms and went to find a place to sit in the grass. I leaned against a large tree, and bit into my apple, watching my family. Cas stared intently at his apple, not sure why he got one, as Dad tried to explain to him why it was delicious even though it was fruit. Claire brought out a cigarette to light before Sam grabbed it from her. "No way." He said, sternly.

I grinned. Claire may think that this is a small town life, with small people, but she was just too zoomed out. When you get close it was so much more. The bunker wasn't just a place, it was home. It was the place that I learned to count. The first place I met Claire. Our first Christmas with Jack. The place where Grandma came back to us.

I grew up in that bunker, in this town. It may be unconventional, but it belongs to me. It's my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Looking at my family laughing, in front of a darkening sky, I knew I wouldn't trade them for anything. We would stay together, the six of us, no matter what I took. Dad looked at me and smiled. We will save you, Daddy. I promise. Even if it takes the last breath in my body, I will not let you rot in that coffin.

His eyes widened for a moment, just long enough for me to question if I was really seeing it, but he quickly adjusted, his face relaxing. He gave me a thumbs up.

"Do you think Clementine would like candy apples?" Jack asked us.

I grinned widely. "You can't give her stuff that isn't cat food, Jackie. It'll make her sick."

He looked down, sadly. "But it's so delicious. She deserves to have something that is this good."

I walked to him, pulling him into a hug. "You can let her lick your fingers when you get home. Then she can try it without getting sick."

"You're so smart, Ellie!" He said, brightening up immediately.

"She sure is." Dad grinned.

We looked up to the dark night sky as fireworks began to explode over our heads. I scooted close to Dad and leaned my head on his shoulder like I'd done every year since I was a little girl, and we watched the fireworks explode. For once since the night Lucifer was killed, things seemed peaceful, like maybe everything would work out.

_Maybe. _


	2. I See It in Your Eyes

Chapter Two

I See It In Your Eyes

Ella

My converse slapped the wet concrete as I ran. _I can make it. _I pushed forward, harder. I ran with everything that I had. I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew wherever I was going I had to get there. The rain was cold on my face. _Just a little bit more. _My heart pounded and with every beat I felt further and further away. My shoe caught a hole in the ground sending me flying forward. I caught myself on my hands, but not before scraping the skin on my palms. My forehead smacked the ground and I groaned, trying to shuffle back up to my feet. Trying but I couldn't... I just couldn't.

I sat up straight in bed my heart pounding. It felt so real. I could still feel the water on my face, the burning on my palms. Claire was sleeping peacefully at my side, curled up, hugging her pillow.

I slowly threw my legs over the side of the bed, my feet on the cold floor of my bedroom. I crept out, shutting the door behind me. I pulled out my phone and dialed Rowena. "Auntie Ro." I murmured.

"It's the Wee Winchester. It's late, what can I help you with sweetie?"

"I need your help." I whispered into my phone, trying to hold back my emotion, my fear.

"What's wrong, Wee One?"

"I... can you come here? I can't really talk about it on the phone."

"I'll be there tomorrow."

"Pick me up from school?"

"I'll be there." Rowena said. "Don't worry, Wee One... whatever you're afraid of, we will figure it out."

"I know... and Auntie Ro... please don't tell Dad."

"Don't worry, your secrets are safe with me."

—-

I met her at the local coffee shop. I needed somewhere that she couldn't flip out, if it were necessary. I had no idea what was going on with me, but whatever it was, it was getting worse. It was growing.

"What seems to be going on Eleanor?" Rowena asked, leaning forward. She gripped her cup full of hot tea.

"I've been having... dreams. Visions, I think." I bit my lip.

"And you don't want your Dads to know?"

"I don't want to be just another thing that they hunt."

"Oh, darlin you must know that they wouldn't ever hurt you." She said reaching for my hand. She squeezed my fingers supportively.

"I hope." I shook my head. "I don't know though. What if whatever inside me is dark... what if it's evil?"

She tilted her head to the side knowingly. "How long has this been happening?"

"Since before we lost Jack." I admitted. "I thought they were just dreams at first... it wasn't until I saw Jackie die..." I swallowed hard, over examining her red polished nails.

"You saw him die?"

"It was so vivid. Then it happened just like I saw it."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"It was too late to save him." I said desperately. "I should've said something after my dream. I should've... but I didn't. I was too scared. Scared of what I saw. Scared of what I was becoming."

"You didn't know, Wee One. How could you have?"

"Then the other night... I think I saw my mom die. Dad... he was dreaming and I think I was seeing his memory. I don't know." I put my face in my hands. _This is too much._

"Is there anything else?"

"Last night I had a dream that I was running. I was trying to get somewhere but I fell..."

"Going where?"

"I don't know." I admitted. "But it felt so real. It was terrifying. What's happening to me?"

Rowena reached forward and wiped a tear from my cheek. "Don't worry. We will get to the bottom of this."

"Do you think it's a spell? A curse?"

"I'm not sure." She admitted. "It could be something that's always been in you. Most psychics are born, not made, but..."

"But what?"

"They can be made."

"How?"

"Sweetie, I really think you should talk to your dads."

"Why? I told you... they won't understand... I want to make sure I know what's happening before I bring it to them."

"Did you know that the Giant used to have abilities just like this?"

"Sam?"

"When he was twenty three he had quite the abilities... or so I've heard." Rowena said, running her fingers along the lip of her mug.

I looked down at my glass of water intensely. I could see my distorted reflection within the glass. "They never told me that."

"It's been a long time for them. The boys don't like to dwell."

"Guess not." I said, squeezing my glass in my hands. How could they hide something that's so relevant to my current situation. But then again, what did they not lie about? That'd probably be a shorter list.

Dean

_The Night Lucifer Rose_

"Dean, Dean listen we've gotta go!"

Ava laid in my arms, limp. She was gone, but I couldn't move her from my arms. How could I let her go?

"This place is gonna blow!" Sam said.

I finally turned to him, he held Eleanor in his arms, against his chest. He was right. The room was shaking, white light was pouring in the windows. Lucifer was rising, and we would be screwed if we waited around for him.

I stood up, slowly, holding Ava bridal style against me. Her head hung over my arm. Her blood was still warm against my forearm. My chest squeezed. She was really gone.

"Come on." Sam said, pushing me out. He kept one hand on my daughter and one on my arm, leading us out of the church and into the fucking storm.

We fastened Nel into her car seat, and I held Ava against me in the backseat. "You drive." I told him, tossing him my keys.

"Dean..."

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Sammy." I murmured, pushing her curls out of her face. I ran my fingers over her eyelids shutting them, seeing her eyes for the last time. There was no more life in them. I watched them fade away right in front of me.

If there was ever a time to say goodbye, now was it. It was over. I ran my thumb across her chilled bottom lip. She could have been sleeping this time. I took her hand in mine, running my fingers over her wedding ring. Mom's wedding ring. I knew I should keep it, but it felt so fucking wrong taking it off of her finger.

Nel whimpered in her car seat. "Hey." I said, resting my palm on her baby belly. "I know." I whispered, my heart aching.

Lacey fed her demon blood. Ava was dead in my arms. Sammy started the apocalypse. I didn't even know how I was going to keep going, let alone where to start with this fucking mess I was left. I twisted my fingers in her curls. "I'm so sorry, Ave." I whispered. I was fucking broken.

Rain pounded on the roof of the Impala, a large blast of light erupted behind us.

"Shit, do you think that's...?"

"Satan." I said sharply. "Yeah. Yeah I do."

—

Eleanor was asleep in her carrier at my feet. Ava's body was wrapped in fabric. She was faceless, but it didn't matter. She wasn't in there anymore. Her wedding ring felt heavy in my pocket.

Sam and I sprinkled salt over her. Maybe what's dead should stay dead. It was a lesson that was impossible for me to learn, no matter how much I tried.

"Should we say something?" Sam asked, gently.

There was a thousand things I wanted to say to her, but she wouldn't ever get to hear it. I pulled out a piece of paper, a goodbye letter. I walked it to her and rested it on her chest, where her hands were crossed. "Bye, Ave." I pulled out my zippo lighter and I flipped it, igniting the flame. A hunters funeral. It's what she would've wanted. _No_. I thought. _She would want to be alive. _

Her body lit up fast. My face was hot from the flames licking up toward the sky. I turned and caught a tear as it rolled down Sammy's cheek. He loved her too. Maybe we both lost a piece of ourselves that night. A part we probably wouldn't ever be able to get back.

"Let's go." I said, picking up Nel's carrier. I turned away from her, biting back my urge to just fucking lose it. I didn't have time to mourn. I had a daughter who needed me, and I had a fucking world to save.

_Dear Ava, _

_I guess I know how it feels now. How you felt when you had to watch me be ripped apart in front of you. I think we just keep taking turns. We are running in circles, Ave. _

_Being with you is indescribable. It was more than I could ever want. It was more than I'd ever let myself want, but I did. I wanted you. I wanted this life. I used to watch you sleep, ya know? In the motel, before we ever were in love. I'd wake up early when I was on those goddamn pull out couches and I'd see you there, curled up, and hugging your pillow like you did. Your curls spilling out all over your pillow. You're the most beautiful woman I'd ever met. I knew then that I could watch you sleep forever. I wanted to. _

_Now, I ask myself every day if you'd have been safe if I hadn't walked into that bar. If I hadn't let myself want you. _

_But then again, if I hadn't then we wouldn't have Eleanor. She's sleeping next to me when I write this. She's just so effortless. I want to give her everything I never had. Stability, and a home. But there's something I can never give her, Ave, and that's you. How can I raise her without you? How will I know what to do? How can I deal with this demon blood situation with her? How can I be my best self without you?_

_I was never able to say it, before you. Not to my Dad, or Sammy. Not to any other woman I'd met. But you, Ava Winchester... I love you. I love you more than I love pie, or beer. More than I want to fight monsters. I love you more than my fucking car. I love you, and I wish I'd said it a thousand times over. I wish I didn't lose so much time with you being an idiot. I wish I'd met you when we were kids, back when things were simpler. Back before I was who I am now. Before I was broken. _

_I guess there's no sense in dwelling. You won't get to read this anyway, so I don't know why I'm shouting into the void. There's no changing any of this. It's over. You're dead, and if it weren't for Eleanor, I'd be dead right next to you. I hope you know that, sweetheart. There's no me without you. I'll do what I can. I'll try my best to do right by you with the husk of myself that I'm walking around in. _

_I love you, Ave, and I will love you until the last breath in my body. I'll see you on the other side if they let me in. _

_-Dean _

Sam

_Present_

"Sam? Can we talk?" Eleanor asked, poking her head into my bedroom.

I was leaning over my desk, pouring into lore, trying to find a way out for Dean with no avail. He was getting anxious, and was insisting pretty intensely that it was almost time to drop him in the ocean.

"Sure, Kid." I said, stretching. "I could use a break anyway."

"I just... I had a question."

"Hit me."

She walked into the room and sat on the edge of my bed, pulling her feet under her. "It's kind of... you can't tell Dad. I know what that sounds like, and you're all so close but... but I just need you right now."

I watched her eyes, her nervous expression. She was the perfect combination of Dean and Ava. She had learned mannerisms from Dean, but there were some things about her that was all Ava. It was effortless. "You can tell me anything, El. You know that."

"I may have heard about your... whole psychic thing."

I raised my eyebrows. "Really? From who?"

"I don't want to rat anyone out."

"Sure."

I sighed. It wasn't exactly something I wanted to rehash, but Dean's words echoed in my head. "_It's like we had the same dream last night. Like she was tapped into my head."_

It had already started. "What's going on, El?"

"I just... I've been having dreams, too. They seem so real. I just don't understand it. I don't want to be a freak, Uncle Sam."

"You're not a freak, kid." I sighed. "Listen to me. I had visions. I could see things before they happened, and everyone thought I had a dark side."

"Like what people think about Jack?"

"Exactly. We make our own destiny, El. We choose if we are going to be good. I'm not saying we have the same thing, but if you are having visions you aren't a _freak_ and you aren't bad. Okay? You're just.. goin through something."

"I want to believe you, Sam. Were you ever able to do anything else other than just see things before they happened?"

I stared at my niece. She was always so old for her age, but I still remembered the day she was born. The day she laid in her mothers arms, and I wrapped mine around both of them tightly. I would've protected them from anything, but I fucked that up. I could at least tell her the truth now. "No. Just the visions." _I'm full of shit. _

Eleanor sighed, looking down at her lap. "Crap."

"What's wrong?"

"I was hoping... well, Micheal is in Dad's head, right?" She asked desperately. "If I'm tapping into his dreams what if I could get in there... and..."

"And what?" I asked, leaning into her, gripping the edge of the chair. "What could you do to an Arc Angel?"

"I don't know, Sam. I really don't. I'm just so helpless here, and then this start's up..."

I sighed, standing. I lowered myself next to my niece and pulled her into my arms like I did when she was little. "You're just like your mom, you know that?"

"How do you mean?"

"She was always trying to help. No matter what it took."

"Sounds like Dad."

I smiled a bit, kissing the top of her head. "They were pretty similar."

"Think that's why they were soul mates? Dad always says they were."

I closed my eyes. I didn't think about her much, not anymore, but sometimes when I'm asleep I can still feel her rested against my side. I can still see her cuddled next to me on the couch watching How I Met Your Mother. I can still feel her in my arms on the beach that first day. That first case that changed everything. "Yeah. I think that's why."

She turned and looked up at me. "Did you ever find out why you were having visions, Sam?"

"Me? Oh.. I don't know, kid. I guess I just grew out of them, because I don't have them anymore."

She frowned. "That isn't what I asked."

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "It was something that happened when I was a baby."

"You're being pretty shady, Sam. What's going on with me? You know more than what you're saying. I can tell."

"You should..."

"Talk to Dad. Yeah, I know, but I'm not talking to him. Am I? I'm talking to _you_." Her turquoise eyes almost seemed to glow as she stared into my soul. She was getting upset, flexing her hands at her side.

_I can't tell her about the demon blood_. _Dean will never forgive me. _

"What about demon blood, Uncle Sam?" She asked, crossing her arms.


	3. The Hero Always Gets a Beer

Chapter Three

The Hero Always Gets a Beer

Ella

"What about demon blood, Uncle Sam?"

Sams eyes widened, his jaw hanging open.. "What did you say?"

"Seriously? Stop with the lies, Sam! What do you mean _demon blood_?"

"You heard me? El you just.. you read my thoughts." He reached for me, but I shrugged him off.

"What? No you must've whispered it."

"I didn't."

I wanted to argue, to scream, to throw things, but there was no point. I knew he was telling the truth. "Uncle Sam what's happening to me?"

"Hey, its okay." He said, pulling me into a hug. "Don't worry."

I was worried. I was fucking terrified. I let go, I let myself cry into his t-shirt. I mourned for my innocence, for the loss of my mother, and for Dad. How was he going to look at me when he found out?

"It's not okay." I whisper quietly. "How can it be?"

Sam grabbed my face in his hands. "We will go talk to Dean together. He will understand." He promised.

"No." I said standing up, wiping my eyes aggressively. "I can't. I _can't_." I sucked in my breath. "He has enough on his plate with Michael. I can't put another thing on his plate."

"Hey, listen to me." Sam said gently. "That's how we felt with our Dad growing up. He does not want you to feel that way, El. I promise. He will want to know."

I searched Sams face for an answer. For any kind of indication that he was lying to me, but he wasn't. I knew he wasn't. I sucked in my breath and wiped my eyes again with the back of my hand. "Fine. Fine lets tell him. What's the worst that could happen?" _He hates me and throws me in the coffin instead. _

Dean

I laid on my bed with my headphones on, blasting music trying my best to drown out Michaels screams within my head. I could feel him banging, throwing things, screaming. He was close to breaking out, breaking through. I knew he was. We were running out of time. I clamped my eyes shut. _Shut up you dumb fucker, I am so sick of listening to you!_

There wasn't anything left to do. I'd have to tell them, Sam and El, Cas and Jack... it was time to say goodbye. I opened my eyes to see Sammy standing in my doorway, waving. I pulled off my headphones, letting them rest around my neck before I clicked pause on my phone. "Sup?"

"Dude, you're going to go deaf if you listen that loud."

I shrugged. "I'll just ask Eileen for signing advice. It'll give her some more excuses to hang around here." I said flippantly. "What do you want?"

"We need to talk to you about something, if you've got a minute."

I tilted my head, seeing my daughter hiding behind Sams tall frame. "Huh. Yeah sure come on in." I said, fully sitting up.

Nel slowly drug herself into the room, she was wringing her hands and avoiding my eyes. "Eleanor what's wrong?" I asked, eyeing her.

"What?" Her eyes shot up, wide and alarmed.

"I said... what's wrong? You look freaked."

"I... I don't know." She started to sniffle and her eyes darted to Sam.

"Hey, none of that. 'Mere." I said, opening my arms. I watched my daughter slowly walk to me, unlike how she'd done when she was little, running and leaping. She always knew I'd catch her then, but this time something was different.

She hesitated and hovered near the edge of my bed. "Okay one of you two talk, now." I snapped, looking between them.

"Nel is having visions, Dean." Sam said carefully.

"What?" I asked, even though I suspected. Even though I knew.

"Like me." Sam said carefully. "And she read my thoughts." He added.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to gather my thoughts. _Fuck this is not what I need right now! Can't we just deal with one problem at a time?_

"Dad?" Nel squeaked.

I turned to her to see her eyes filled with tears. "Hey, no, don't do that."

Her lip trembled and she shook her head. She turned to Sam. "I told you this was a bad idea." She pushed past him before turning to me. "I'm sorry that I'm a problem. I didn't want to tell you. I wanted to deal with it alone. Just forget we said anything." She pushed out of my room, slamming the door behind her.

"I... fuck." I rubbed my face. "Well, shit you weren't kidding."

"She read your mind?"

"Evidentially." I sighed. "God, I just can't stop fucking up, can I?"

Sam shrugged. "I should've talked to you alone."

"Why'd she come to you about it anyway?"

"I think because she was worried about you having that exact reaction." Sam laughed humorlessly.

"Yeah." I grunted. "You're probably right." I sighed. "Sammy its getting bad. Michael.. I can't keep him contained, and now this."

"She was wondering if she could help you." Sam said, leaning against the wall eyeing me. "That was one of the first things she asked me."

"Well, that isn't happening."

Sam shrugged. "I don't want her to do it either, Dean. I'm just saying, I don't think she's going to let you go into that coffin. I don't think I will."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You're not going to let my teenage daughter drink demon blood to expel an Arch Angel out of my head. You have to promise me that you'll have my back on this Sam. I'm going in that coffin. By the end of the week I'll be under water. You're gonna have to deal with this psychic shit. Keep it in check... don't let her..."

"What? Go dark side? Pull a Sam?"

"Well, yeah." I shrugged. "Not really the time for pleasantries, Sammy."

Sam pursed his lips. "I won't let her be destructive, Dean. She's my kid too." He said quietly.

And she was. She belonged to all of us. Sam singlehandedly taught her how to read. Cas would show her the beauty in the world, in the flowers and the bugs. I'd stay up with her when she had a nightmare, because lets be honest... I was having them too. She was our daughter, the three of ours. "It's fucking killing me thinking about leaving her." I admitted. "But... at the same time." I sucked in my breath. "Then maybe I won't have to miss Ave so much." I said quietly, my voice dropping. "Maybe it all won't have to hurt so fucking much."

"You realize you're not going to be asleep in there, right?" His eyebrows came together. "He's going to keep you awake for years, Dean. Forever."

I shrugged. "Left to day dream about the good old days."

"Sure. Deflect, whatever." Sam grunted. "Guess I'll go talk to Nel. Calm her down."

I shook my head. "Stop, man."

"No! Fuck! You stop! Stop pretending you aren't afraid! Stop acting like this isn't all a big deal. Stop acting like you aren't her Dad. Like you can just check out. Like that." Sam snapped his fingers. "And then everyone can just forget. As if I could make half the impression on her that you do. Neither of us are Ava, but you are the only real parent she has left. And fuck if you insist on running out on her, can you at least do the job until you're gone?"

I wince. "Damn, Sammy. Goin for the jugular." I sighed. "You're right. Bout all of it." I tossed my headphones to the side and stood up. "I got her."

I pushed past Sam and walked down the hall to her room. I knocked a few times before poking my head in. Claire was sitting on the bed leaning over some lore. I eyed an image of an angel on one of the pages before clearing my throat. She pulled out a headphone. "Lookin for Ella?"

"Mhm."

"She said she needed some air."

"Right." I said with a sigh. I knew where she was.

—

I climbed up the ladder, and squeezed through the hole in the platform for the billboard that overlooked Lebanon. "Hey." I said, eyeing Nel.

She sat in one of my flannels with her back against the billboard. Her legs were straight out in front of her. Even in the darkness, I could tell that her eyes were swollen from crying.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry." I said gently. "And if you're worried I'm lying, listen to my thoughts and you'll see that I'm not.

"Doesn't work that way. I don't think."

"How does it work?" I asked gently.

"Seems to go along with my emotions. If I'm pissed or afraid its like I turned up the volume..." She looked away from me. "I know you didn't ask to have a freak as a daughter."

"Woah, no one said you're a freak, kid. I mean, you are." I smiled. "We all are. Look at Sammy. He's a giant goofball who hasn't had a hair cut his whole damn life. I have an arch angel in my melon, Cas is a baby in a trench coat, and Jack is the son of Satan. We are a bunch of weirdos. So don't go feelin like you're special or anything."

She smiled a little before turning back to me. "I'm scared. I don't want to turn into the things that you hunt."

"Sweetheart, listen to me. We would do anything for you. You would never be one of those things. You can trust me on that."

"I want to." She admitted, quietly. "It's just so... so weird. The other night I think I saw your dream."

I winced. _Fuck_. "I was worried about that."

"You were? How'd you even guess?"

"Guess you deserve the truth." I sighed. "Before Mom died, we were trying to stop Lucifer from rising the first time." I winced. "So we had a good friend watch you, but it turns out she wasn't who she said she was... she was a demon."

Her eyes flickered up. "I heard Sams thoughts. He said demon blood. What did he mean?"

"She'd been feeding you her blood. To sort of get these psychic powers to grow."

"She.. she killed Mom."

"She did."

"Oh my god." Nel covered her mouth in a sob before regaining her composure.

"Listen to me. I won't let anything happen to you."

"How can you if you're going to be in a box, Dad?"

I rubbed my face. "Damn it, kid. I don't want to do that. I don't think there's any other choice. I hope you can understand that someday."

She looked me over before nodding. "I do understand. That's the worst part. I understand because I would do it too, if it were me."

I took her hand in mine. "Eleanor, your Uncle Sam will watch out for you. He won't let anything happen to you... just... just try to keep this under wraps. Don't push the psychic thing. I don't want it consuming you."

"Like it did to Sam?"

"What? How would you know what it did to Sam?"

"I don't know." She murmured. "I think I just know."

Sam

I popped my head into Nel's room. "Hey, anything?"

Claire looked up at me before throwing a book across the room. "No! Fuck! I am so frustrated! I can't get anywhere. Sam I don't know what she's going to do if she loses him."

"I don't know what I'll do..." I admitted quietly, before shaking my head. "We will figure it out. We have to. He's ready to pull the trigger."

I walked to Claire and sat next to her on the bed. "What books haven't you started on? I'll give em a go."

"This one." She tossed me. "Get to reading, Stanford. We need all the help we can get."

_That's an understatement. _I sighed to myself before opening the book. I squinted, it looked like a page had been book marked. "What the..." I flipped to it and ran my fingers along the words as I read. "You're not gonna believe this. It's called the Baozhu. It's one of eight ancient Chinese treasures. It's a pearl that grants wishes. Sort of."

Claire raised an eyebrow. "Sort of?"

I cleared my throat. "Well, technically, it's supposed to give you what your heart desires."

"So if we give it to Dean..."

"Blamo, bye bye Micheal. In theory."

"Sam you're a genius! I could kiss you!"

"Hold on there, kid." I laughed, feeling the weight on my chest lift a bit. "We don't know where to find it."

"Give me an hour. I'll get it." Claire said, determined.

"I should tell Dean."

"Just..." Claire grabbed for me. "Maybe wait until we find it. Don't want to get their hopes up for nothing."

I nodded knowingly.

A fucking pearl. The answer to our questions. I clamped my eyes closed before opening them again. "Gonna see if Cas knows about this. Maybe he will have a lead."

"Sounds good." Claire said, typing away on her laptop. "Oh, and Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Grab me a beer?"

I laughed and shook my head. "One ginger ale coming up."

"Buzz kill."

"You're not twenty-one, you have no buzz to kill." I said with a smile. _But if this is the solution, you've got one on me, kid. The hero always gets a beer. Always. _


	4. Poughkeepsie

Chapter Four

Poughkeepsie

Dean

"A... pearl?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Yup." Sam said smoothly. "It grants your deepest desire."

"That means...Micheal gone. That's my deepest desire!"

"Exactly." Sam grinned triumphantly. "So you think you can hold off on the whole deep sea plan for a few days?"

I swallowed. If this was true.. then _fuck_. That could be the solution. "Seems a little too good to be true, man. Don't you think?"

My little brother shrugged. "Maybe, but we won't know until we try. Ya know?"

"Do you have any leads on it?" I pressed. I would be damned if I got my hopes up just to have something else fall through. Just to have another wild goose chase.

"Actually, we do." Cas said, literally stepping out of the shadows.

I jumped in my seat at the table. "Jesus, man! What're you doin lurking like that?"

"I wasn't lurking, Dean." Cas said with a huff. "I was just waiting for the best moment to bring you the good news."

"Well, it was creepy." I said, taking a swig of my beer. "What's the lead?"

Cas walked to the kitchen table. "A man named Larkin. He is a collector, of sorts. A procurer of rare occult items."

"Like Bela?" Sam asked, making a face.

"Not exactly." Cas said smoothly. "He keeps them for himself. Locked away. Sometimes he will sell, for a price, but something like this won't be for sale. It's too valuable."

"Right." I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "So what do you propose? We ask nicely?"

"I was thinking we should steal it."

"Cas, you naughty girl." I said through clenched teeth.

Sam shrugged again. "Won't be the first time."

"What's with you two?" I asked, standing. "You have a death wish for a half assed lead?"

"It isn't half assed." Sam frowned. "This is a real lead, Dean."

"Well, we don't know if we can get it or if it would even _work_."

"But we should still try." Cas said gently.

"Respectfully? Fuck no. This guy probably has an arsenal."

"So?" Sam rolled his eyes. "_We _have an arsenal. We can handle this, Dean."

"Just put me in the box, Sammy. Put me in the box and let me fucking rest."

I turned to leave but Sammy grabbed my arm to stop me. I turned to meet his pained expression. "Just let us try, Dean. Please."

I sighed. How could I say no to those fucking doe eyes? They were the same ones that got me a thousand times over. The same eyes that pulled me out of my head, out of the pocket that Michael had slipped me into. He gave me strength I didn't know I had. "Okay, Sammy. We can give it a shot, but we can't wait around forever. You got a game plan?"

"The start of one."

"How far away is it?"

"Bout seven hours."

"Good. We can finish the plan on the way. I'll let the kids know we are headed out on a case. Wheels up in ten."

_Three weeks earlier, inside Dean's mind_

I flipped the Tequila bottle. Once, twice. "Damn I'm getting good at that." I grinned to myself, finishing pouring the shot.

"Shit." A voice came along with the chime of the front door. "It's really coming down out there."

I turned toward the familiar voice. _Ava_. "Hey, Sweetheart."

"Got your precious limes. Hope my Afro is worth it." She joked, shaking out her black curls. They were a bit bigger than usual from the humidity.

"Totally worth it." I grinned widely, gesturing for her to come to me. "We can't have the house special without limes. What are we, savages?"

She hopped up on the bar, and slid into my arms. I pressed a gentle kiss on her lips and she smiled against me.

"I missed you." I told her.

"I've been gone half an hour, you're so needy." She teased, kissing me again.

"Yeah, well, it felt like a fucking life time."

Ava grinned back at me. "Should we close up? It's pretty fucking dead in here."

"You're right." I sighed. "And I need to do the books."

"You're really sexy when you talk management to me." She wiggled her eyebrows.

"Well, Mrs. Winchester, I could use the help. Step into my office?"

"In a minute." She smiled. "I want a famous house special." She slid off the bar top and rested on a stool.

I sliced a lime effortlessly, like it was second nature.

"Have you heard from Nel?" She asked, leaning in to me, the tops of her breasts poking out from her V-neck.

"At the movies with Claire."

"That's a normal teenage thing to do. I'm so proud." Ava grinned. "Does this mean she's given up on the idea of being a hunter like Mom and Dad?"

"We aren't exactly hunting anymore." I said with a smile. I reached out and ran my thumb over her bottom lip. "We're business owners."

"Yeah, _we are._"

I sighed. "Yeah, Sam and Cas are still on that ghoul hunt in Wichita. Should be home soon though."

"Maybe we should hire Sam as a bar-back." She grinned. "With you two behind the bar we won't need to do ladies night to make extra money."

"Don't objectify me." I scoffed, even though I couldn't hide my growing smile.

"You love it."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Dean." She leaned forward, touching my cheek with her soft hand and kissed me.

Something inside me ached at the kiss, and I pulled her closer, deepening it. I would take her right there on the bar top if she'd let me. I would run into the rain and scream _I love my fucking wife! _There was no need, though, I had her, and nothing would rip me away from her.

"Two House Specials." I grinned, sliding her a tequila shot, a lime, and a beer. I opened my own beer.

"Best special around." She smiled, raising her shot glass. "To Rocky's, to our dysfunctional family, and to us. Love can solve anything."

"Fuck yeah it can." We clinked glasses and downed the shot.

Ava wiggled as the shot ran through her, and she wrapped her lips around the lime, sucking.

I hopped over the bar and swiftly walked to the front door, flipping the sign to _closed_.

"What're you doing?" She asked, removing the lime from her lips.

"Gonna do what I've been thinking about since the moment you walked back into this bar."

"And what's that?" She asked coyly.

"'Mere and I'll show you."

I walked to her, meeting her in the middle before pulling her into my arms. She fit there like she was made for me, like I was made for her. I captured her lips in mine and ran my fingers down her back.

"Dean." She whispered.

"_Dean." _

I turned, with my hand up her fucking shirt, to find Sam and Cas staring at me wide eyed.

Sammy stood there slack jawed like a complete creep.

"No offense, guys, I'm glad you're here, but Christ can you not watch?" I laughed, moving my hand out of Ava's shirt.

She readjusted her top, and her hair. "Hey Sam, Cas. How was the case?"

"Ava.." Sam muttered.

"What's wrong with you, man? Was it a tough one?"

"I'll get you two a beer." Ava said, going behind the bar. "We have this new one from Austin. It's an IPA, you'll love it."

"Dean," Sam said, grabbing ahold of me. He turned my attention from Ava behind the bar, one of my favorite versions of her, to him.

"What man?"

"What's going on here?" He asked low.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, shrugging him off.

"Glad you two are back safe." Ava said, cracking the caps off the beers. "I think Dean was starting to get worried." She smiled brightly. _Damn she lights up a room_.

"Was not." I grunted.

I made my way back behind the bar, and snaked an arm around Ava's waist. "What're you two waiting for? Want her to bring the beers to you? Drink up." I slid the beer to the edge of the bar, waiting for Sam and Cas to oblige. They'd never had a problem drinking my free beer before.

The two of them raced toward the bar and Sam placed his palms flat on the bar top. "We don't have time for this. I'm sorry, Dean..."

"Sorry bout what? I'll drink the beer if you don't want it, Sammy."

Ava laughed. "Not if you're wanting to... you know." She eyed me.

Cas raised an eyebrow. "Wanting to what?"

Ava looked to me for approval and I shrugged. "We are trying to get pregnant again. Now that things have slowed down... and beer can lower the sperm count. We already have a lot against us from our age. So no more than one drink a day. He promised."

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her. "And I won't break it." I swore to her. I looked to my brother and Cas, who honestly looked like someone ran over their puppy. "What the fuck is wrong with you two? Thought you'd be happy?"

"Dean.. None of this is real. Okay? The bar... Ava.."

"Excuse me?" Ava asked, moving out of my arms. "You've never met anyone more real than me, Sam Winchester."

"You're just a complex manifestation of Dean's memories designed to distract him." Cas said sadly.

"You really know how to talk to a lady, don't you?" She grinned. "Just have the beer, Castiel. You're a little tightly wound."

"Okay, listen to me." Sam said, frustrated. "You have to remember what's going on out in the real world."

"I know its raining." I gestured to the bay windows in the bar. "What else do I need to know?" _My whole world is in here._ I thought, kissing Ava's hair.

"No! I'm not talking about the rain. I'm talking about _Michael_."

I blinked a few times. "Michaels in the cage."

"Sam you okay?" Ava asked gently. "Was there something more that happened on the hunt?"

I stroked the length of her back, feeling almost blissful. I barely noticed what Sam and Cas were saying. Being this close to her just felt so fucking _good_.

"No, damn it. It wasn't a bad case."

"Michael is possessing you." Castiel said carefully. "You have to remember that."

"Come on guys." I groaned. "What? Is this some kind of joke?"

"No, Dean." Cas sighed. "It isn't a joke."

"Okay, okay." Ava said, putting her hands up. "If we are inside Dean's head then he should be able to control things, like a lucid dream?

Sam looked flustered. "I don't know, maybe?"

"Then let's go ahead and skip all the dirty stuff. Where's my baby, Dean? Get me pregnant with your _brain_." She said before busting into laughter.

"Baby, I don't want to miss the dirty stuff." I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

"Dean listen to me. This bar is not real. Ava isn't real. You know what happened to her." Sam said insistently.

I frowned. "Man that's my wife. Stop talking about her like she isn't here."

"She isn't here, Dean. Ava.. Ava died that night in the church. The night that Lucifer rose. You remember that, right?"

I frowned and closed my eyes. _Do I? _

"_It's going to be okay, Ave. I've got you. I won't let you go." I said into her hair. "You're the one, sweetheart. It's always been you. From the second I walked into that bar. It'll be okay, because everything with us is right. You're the only thing that's right."_

I opened them back and she was gone. "Where the... where'd Ava go? Ava?" I ran out from behind the bar. "This isn't funny... this... this is my life." My eyes stung. "This is _the_ dream!"

"No, Dean." Cas said sadly. "This is _a_ dream, Dean. That's all it is. Please you have to try to remember, because the people in your life.. in your real life out there need you to come back. Eleanor needs you to come back."

_Eleanor._

"No." I shook my head. "Nel's in a movie with Claire. She's being a normal kid. She's happy. _We're happy_."

Sams eyes flickered to mine and with a sad expression whispered. "Poughkeepsie."

"What?" My heart sunk.

"Poughkeepsie."

Ella 

_Two days after the boys went to look for the pearl_

"I haven't heard from them." I crossed my arms, pacing the length of the kitchen. "I'm starting to get worried. They call they _always_ call."

"Maybe their phones are dead?" Claire offered weakly. She knew that this was as bad as I did.

"They always check in Claire. What if something happened? What if Michael escaped and blew them up? What if they're..."

"We will go save them." Jack said, standing suddenly.

"I know where they went." Claire said, meeting my eyes.

"You do? They told you?"

"I sort of... fuck. I didn't want to have to lie to you. They were looking for a solution for Michael. This magical pearl that grants you your hearts desire."

"So they think they can use it to get Michael gone?"

"Yeah. We think at least."

"Claire, why didn't you tell me?" I asked, desperately.

"We didn't want to get your hopes up if it wasn't going to happen." She sighed.

"Do you think it can really work?" Jack asked, hopeful.

"That's the idea."

"If they're still alive." I said, cracking my knuckles. "Jack's right. We have to save them."

"We could call another hunter."

"Claire, why don't you want me on this? I can do it. I know how to shoot, plus, I'll have you both with me." I smiled, taking her hands. "Let's go save our Dad's."

"Fine." She said curtly. "But I don't like it.

"Someone wise once told me that I don't have to _like _something, but I do have to respect it."

"What dumbass said that?"

"Mmm not sure, but damn I bet she was pretty." I said, placing a kiss on Claire's lips. "Wheels up in ten?"

"Really, Dean Jr?"

I shrugged with a grin. "Always wanted to say that."

"I will pack the snacks." Jack said with a nod.

"Not a lot though, Jack! We are taking the bike." Claire said flippantly.

It had to be a real funny sight seeing Claire and I on a motorcycle, with Jack in the sidecar. Like real fucking funny.

I borrowed one of Claire's leather jackets, and my own boots. Jack was wearing one of Sam's jackets, even though it just about swallowed him whole.

"We have a long ride, so get comfy." Claire said, kick starting the bike.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, pressing my face to her back. _This is all I need to be comfy. You're all I need. _

Claire turned back to me with a smile, before closing the plastic on her helmet over her face. "You're all I need, too."


	5. Adventures in Babysitting

Chapter Five

Adventures in Babysitting

Dean

_Two days ago_

The mansion loomed under a dark, threatening sky. Thunder boomed in the distance making the whole thing real fuckin dramatic. "Why is it always stormy when we are about to do something dangerous?"

"We live in the Midwest, man." Sam said with a laugh. "Crazy weather is just kinda a given."

I shrugged. "Yeah, you got a point." I rubbed my hands together before pulling out my gun. "Alright what's the game plan? Go in guns blazin?"

"Maybe I should go in and see if I can find it myself." Castiel said quietly.

I eyed him. "Why do you get to have all the fun?"

"Because I am an angel of the lord."

"Of _Chuck_ come on, Cas. Enough. We go in as a family or not at all."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Okay, You take the back entrance, Cas and I will get the perimeter. But, listen man, don't make me have to go home and tell your daughter that you bit the dust."

I groaned. "Fine, fine. I'll be careful. Look, got my gun." I waved it. "My holy water is in my pocket, silver blade in my boot, I even got some sweet iron knuckles... I'm ready for anything. Let's get it."

We nodded, and I slowly crept my way around the mansion. I kept my eyes peeled for movement, but honestly it was all pretty quiet. The only sound was the wind whistling.

I climbed the stone steps to the back door, and tentatively reached for the brass knob. It turned easily.

"_Dean Winchester! Let me out! You really think this is going to work? You're a hairless monkey. Nothing more than Gods mistake."_

It was endless screaming inside my head. Michael, in my own fucking voice. He strangely sounded like my father.

He was so distracting. The screaming. The banging. The scratching against the door. It was so distracting that I wasn't concerned that the big house that supposedly had an Arsenal kept the back door unlocked. I was so distracted that I didn't hear the creak of the wood behind me. I didn't hear the step. There was just a swift pain, and then blackness.

Ella

We stopped to fill up the bike. I bent down on a stretch to touch my toes. My back cracked in response. "God that feels good."

"You look really sexy doing that." Claire said.

I eyed her from between my legs. "Take a picture, it lasts longer."

"You got it, sweet cheeks." She grinned, before turning back to the pump.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Dad again. The rings echoed in my bad like a bad pop song that was played way too damn much. _You've reached Dean. You know what to do. Beep. _

"Hey Dad. It's me. I haven't heard from you in a few days, so I'm coming after you. I know you're gonna be pissed, but guess what? I'm pissed too. This is what family does. We come after each other. So I'll see you soon, and I hope you're okay." _Click._

"We will find them, Ellie." Jack said, taking off his helmet. His hair was sticking up all crazy, and I leaned in to tussle it back.

"I know we will."

Jack frowned, like he was annoyed with my hands in his hair and he batted me away. "The Winchesters are the strongest men I know, they will be okay."

"They're going to be mad that we came, if they're okay." I said crossing my arms.

"They will." Jack agreed before unexpectedly pulling me into a hug. "But they will be happy to see you. They always are. You make things better, Ellie. There's no sense in being scared or worried when you're around. You're like sunshine."

"He's right, ya know." Claire said with a smile. "Now what do you think, Winchester's? Ready to roll."

"Yup." Jack and I agreed together before sliding our helmets back on.

_I'm coming, Dad. Hold on tight. Don't give up just yet. I'm coming._

Dean

"Dean, wake up."

Her hands were on my cheeks, soft, and gentle, just like I remembered.

"Baby, open your eyes. Oh my god, Sam! He isn't waking up, can I get some help over here?"

My eyes fluttered open, I'd recognize that voice anywhere. "Ave?"

"Hey, hi... yes it's me." She breathed, holding my face in her hands "Hi."

"Hi back." I whispered before frowning. "You can't be here." I could hear Sam's words echoing in my head _Poughkeepsie. _

"I am here."

"You can't be. You died.. I held you when you died."

"You've been poisoned, Dean."

"What?"

"Djinn poison." She said, standing on her tip toes to break me free from the restraints that had me hanging from the ceiling. "It took you. Think you were having a bad trip."

"What?"

"We really need to get you to the hospital." She said before unlatching my restraints. I fell to my knees with a loud _thump. _"Can you stand?" She crouched in front of me.

I looked at my hands. There was no age in them. I flexed my fingers. They didn't ache. _What the fuck?_

"Hey! Earth to Winchester!" Ava said, alarmed. "Come on, before it comes back."

I met her blue eyes. If it was real, we couldn't just run. "We need to take it down, Ave."

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, stubborn ass. Stop arguing. Sam's got it."

I gripped her shoulders, stopping her from turning away from me. "Ava, I want this to be real. _I do_, but you died. Djinn don't give out bad acid trips. They want you to stick around inside your head while they suck you dry, so why would I want to stay in a world without you?"

She smiled back at me gently, one I'd seen a hundred times before. The blue of her eyes seemed to almost change color in front of me. They softened and she smiled a bit. "Dean, for you, you'd always question something good. I think they gave you something bad because it was more believable." She said quietly. "But can we talk about this when we are no longer in mortal danger?"

"Ava, did you get him? We've got company!"

"Yeah, I got him!" She yelled back to Sam before meeting my eyes. "I do have you, right? You're here? You're okay."

I looked myself over. I felt like shit and my muscles were sore from being strung up, but yeah. "Yeah. I'm here. Let's go."

I let her swing my arm over her shoulder and we went out to the car. She leaned me against it and patted down my pockets, looking for the keys.

"Woah, Sweetheart, now maybe isn't the right time." I grinned lamely, still feeling the weight of her death as if it were real.

She rolled her eyes again with a gentle laugh. "I need the keys, Dean Winchester. We can do some of _that _later." She slid her hand into my pocket, and a little too close to the inside of my thigh before she pulled out the keys. "Bingo."

"Tease."

"Shut up." She countered before putting me into the passenger seat. "Sams got his own car. I'm taking you to the ER."

"Come on, Ave. I just need a beer, and I'll be good." I said, resting my hand on her thigh as she started the car.

"Respectfully, it isn't up to you." She said, eyeing her thigh before she pulled out of the parking lot. "So," she said quietly, glancing at me. "What'd you see?"

"Other than you dying?" I laughed weakly. "Sixteen fucking years without you."

"Wow, really? That's a long time, Dean." Her eyebrows came together. "You sure you still like me, after all of that?"

"Yeah!" I said a little too quickly. "Of course I do. What kind of question is that?"

She shrugged, idling at an intersection. "Anything weird happen in that sixteen years?"

"Well," I laughed. "Nel was dating Biker Barbie."

"Who?"

"Claire? Oh shit, um.. in my head she was Castiel's vessel's daughter."

Ava raised an eyebrow. "And who is the other person?"

"What?"

"You said that Nel is dating Biker Barbie... who is Nel?"

My blood ran cold, and suddenly my mouth felt really fucking dry. I stared at Ava. Really looked at her, from the top of her head, down her long curls, her arms, and down to the tips of her fingers. There was no wedding ring.

"Dean, you good?" She asked, her eyes wide. We were still stopped at the light despite the green signal to _go_.

"Uh... yeah. Shit. Sorry. What month is it?"

"March." She laughed, raising her eyebrow. "You sure you're okay? You're kind of freaking me out."

"I don't know." I admitted, feeling a hole in my stomach. She couldn't be in my imagination. I held her in my arms. I watched her grow up.

"So, who is Nel?"

We never broke up. She never got an anti possession tattoo. We never risked it. She never got pregnant. She never died. I never went to Hell.

My head was spinning.

"In my Djinn dream... she was... she was our daughter." I said, looking at my lap. It was too fucking early to tell her that. To tell her that I married her. That she fucked Sam. That she died not once, but twice in my arms. That I couldn't save her.

"We had a daughter?"

"Yeah."

I jumped when she busted up into laughter. "I'm sorry, but that's _insane_. Right?"

"Is it?"

"We're hunters, Dean. From what I can tell they aren't exactly the parenting type."

_No kidding. _I sighed. "Dunno, it ended up working out okay. She had a good life."

"You're not like, asking me to bare your children, are you?" She asked, alarmed, as we pulled into the hospital.

"No." I said quickly. "You're right. I've seen it play out." There was blood in our baby's mouth. I could stop that future from happening. I could stop Ava from dying. If she was never with Lacey and the baby she wouldn't have died in that church. My heart squeezed at the thought. "No kids in the cards for us."

"Okay, good." She said, sounding relieved. "We are just.. this is good. What we have." She reached out and touched my cheek with her open palm. "I'm not ready to share you. Sharing you with Sam is bad enough." She smiled widely.

_I know the feeling. _I sighed. "Let's get me checked out so I can have a fucking beer. I'm exhausted."

Ella

It was storming when we arrived at the large mansion. "So this is it, huh?" I asked, swinging my legs over the side of the bike.

"Looks like it." Claire said, gesturing to the Impala that was parked outside of the gate.

"No one bothered to even move it." I said quietly, my stomach clenching. That wasn't a good sign.

"Here." Claire said, handing me a weapon.

"What's the plan?" Jack asked, staring at Claire and I, as if we would have all the answers.

I had none. I had expected him to call by now. At this point I just hoped he was alive.

"I think we should check out the perimeter, and then see the best way in. If he's as dangerous as Cas said, then he may have traps." Claire said, her eyes already scanning the property.

"Do you think we should split up?"

Claire pressed her lips together in a tight line. "Honestly, El... I don't think you two should go at all, but we are kind of low on back up right now."

I reached for her hand and squeezed it. "I'll be careful." I promised. "But you can't bench me on this, he's my Dad. He's all I've got left."

She reached up, taking my face in her hands. "And _you're _all I've got. So don't go getting hurt, or I'll kill you."

"Got it." I said, pressing my lips to hers. It was a promise. I couldn't let anything happen to me, because I knew what it felt like to lose someone, and I loved Claire. I couldn't do that to her, not again.

I turned to Jack. "You be careful, too, little brother. We have a kitten to get home, too. We would both miss you if something happened."

He nodded vigilantly. "I will stay alive."

"Good." I smiled, and with one more look, the three of us dissipated.

I watched Claire creep around the side of the house, and I made my way to the back. The wet soil squished under my boots. My weapon felt heavy in my hands. I could feel the weight of all of it. Of the possibilities of what I would find inside.

I closed my eyes. _Come on, Dad. Where are you? _

My eyes shot open, and I examined the windows on the side of the house. _What are the chances? _I asked myself, as I slid my finger under the window. I pushed up slowly and it creaked open. I grinned widely, and grabbed either side of the screen, popping it out of place. _Idiots always leave their windows unlocked. _

I slid my leg into the window and ducked inside, closing the window behind me. I didn't need to let anyone know that there was something off. The house felt eerily quiet, and my stomach dropped. I moved through the house with quiet feet on the plush carpet, unknowingly leaving wet footprints in my wake.

_If I was a creepy collector, where would I keep my possessions? _My eyes scanned the living room filled with old, dusty furniture. There were large bookshelves covering the walls that reminded me of the ones in the bunker. I ran my fingers along the spines. The whole house felt a little too put together, despite the layer of dust that settled on every free surface.

Every free surface but one.

I ran my fingers along the coffee table, pulling them back to find not a speck of dust on my pale pink skin. "Bingo." I said quietly, pushing the table out of the way. I got down on my knees, shoving my gun in the back of my pants. I rolled the area rug away, to expose an old wooden trap door. _So fucking predictable bad guy behavior. _I rolled my eyes and slowly opened the heavy trap door.

I squinted down into the hole. There were old wooden stairs leading down into absolute blackness. _What we do for family_. I shook my head, getting out my gun and flashlight. My right hand rested on my left as my flashlight lit my way down the stairs, my gun pointed ahead of me.

_In, out, in, out, in, out_.

I tried to breathe, my finger resting on the trigger. I didn't want to scare and accidentally shoot someone, or something I shouldn't. My foot rested on the stone floor at the bottom of the long staircase, exposing a strangely high ceiling, and a large echoing room. I squinted in the darkness and let my flashlight scan the room. It looked void of people, and there was a pull string in the center of the ceiling that I assumed was connected to a hanging light bulb.

I reached forward and tugged gently. The lights flickered on to expose an open room. I blinked a few times, my eyes adjusting to the artificial light. "Holy shit." I whispered. There were dozens of shelves covered in magical items, and weapons. I walked along the edge of the room, wondering how they were organized. We thought the bunker had a lot, but this was a gold mine.

_The pearl. _

I perked up almost immediately, and I quickly scanned the room looking for anything that could fit that description. There were spell books, knives, body parts in jars, but I didn't see any pearls.

My eyes landed on a glass case in the corner. I caught the gleam off a hanging necklace, and I immediately ran to it. There were enchanted earrings, rings, necklaces, and in the center was a perfectly round white pearl resting on a palm sided satin pillow.

My fingers curled around the knob on the door just to find it locked. I glanced around again, just to make sure I wasn't being watched, and I shrugged out of my leather coat. I wrapped it around my arm, to keep myself from being cut and to muffle the sound, and jabbed my elbow through the glass. I reached in, wrapping it in a tissue from my jacket, and pocketed the pearl. _He will not have come here for nothing. _

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply a few times. _Come on, Dad. _

"_Doc gave you a clear bill of health."_

"_Thank god. I need a beer." _

"_You and me both, babe." _

My eyes shot open. _Dad? _

Dean

"_Dad?"_

I looked around, my arm swung over Ava's shoulder as we walked out of the hospital.

"Sam said he will meet us at the bar. Djinn is taken care of." Ava said, glancing at her phone.

"Huh? Oh. Right."

"You sure you're good?"

I looked down at Ava. Her big blue eyes reflected the full moon. I tapped under her chin with my index finger. "Yeah, I'm good." I smiled. "How far is the bar? Let's walk."

She grinned widely. "You want to walk? You have brain damage for sure, Winchester."

"That's rude, Langston." I said bumping her with my hip. It felt weird not calling her Winchester. Felt weird that she wasn't my wife, even though I guess she never was.

"I'm a rude person, what can I say?" She wrapped her arms around me and reached up to kiss me.

I leaned down to meet her halfway. I forgot, in my time under, how short she really was. I ran my thumb across her jaw.

"_Dad? Can you hear me?"_

I raised an eyebrow. "Did you hear something?"

"No." Ava laughed, reaching up to touch my forehead. "Don't make me put you on bed rest."

"Will you be there?" I grinned at her. "Because if so... I definitely need some medical attention." I wiggled my eyebrows at her and she hit my chest playfully.

"_Dad you have to listen to me!" _

I turned behind me and squinted. A vague shape stood under the streetlight, but as I tried to make it out the light blinked out. "That's... uh.."

"What?" Ava turned.

"Sorry." I mumbled. "I think I'm seein shit. You may be right, maybe I've still got some Djinn juice in my system. Maybe we should skip the beer."

"You got it big guy." She rested her hand on my chest, directly over my heart.

"_Dad! Ugh! Dean Winchester!" _

"Okay I really heard it this time."

"Heard what?"

"My name." I squinted into the darkness, and like a fucking truck hit me I felt it. Hands on my shoulders from in front of me. A gentle shake. I looked down and saw nothing. "The fuck..."

"_Listen to me! God you can't be dead.. come on.. I can hear you!" _

I frowned. The voice sounded familiar, I just couldn't quite grasp it. "Who's there?"

"Dean? You're freaking me out..." Ava reached for my hand, but I ignored her stepping toward the street light. I glanced up and almost as if I willed it, the light flickered on, exposing a short girl in a leather jacket.

Her hair was mine. Her lips. The terror painted on her young face. Her name danced to my lips before I could even wonder who she was. "Eleanor?"

"You're safe." She said breathlessly before running and jumping directly into my arms.

"Hey.. how are you...?"

I blinked a few times.

It was a lie. It was all a lie. I buried my face in her hair, unsure of which reality was going to slip through my fingers at any given moment. Unsure of which one I wanted to.


	6. Dream a Little Dream of You

"_I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for." - Practical Magic _

Chapter Six

Dream a Little Dream of You

Ella

"Dad!" I called out desperately.

I followed his thoughts, shoving the glass case out of the way, and pushing through a hidden door. He was hung from the fucking ceiling. There was an IV in his arm, that I quickly pulled out. I shook his shoulders a few times and he groaned in response.

"Hey, I've got you." I glanced around for something, anything, to break him out of the restraints. There was nothing. I could shoot him down, but he was an incapacitated six foot tall, two hundred pound man. There was no way I could drag him out of there. I had to wake him up.

My hands were shaking as I pressed my hands to his head. I focused hard. I closed my eyes tightly and probed the best I could. I had no idea if it'd work, but I had to try.

"_Eleanor?"_

_I could see him. "You're safe." He stood next to someone else, but I couldn't see anything but him. I didn't realize I was running, until the space between us was closed. I leapt into his arms._

_It didn't occur to me, before that moment, how solid he was. I wrapped my arms around him tightly. He was there. He was alive. _

_I have to wake him up._

"_You... how are you..?"_

"_Hey, listen to me." I said, pulling away._

"_Dean?" I turned at the sound of a woman's voice. My blood ran cold. I saw her eyes first. Blue as the sky and glistening even in the darkness. They were large and filled with concern. I'd recognize those dark curls anywhere, and a nose that sat on my own face. _

_My stomach flipped. "Mom?"_

"_Who is this?" She turned to Dad._

"_Ave... fuck." He looked confused, and the edges of his eyes were wet. He reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly. "This is Nel. This is... this is our daughter."_

"_I never had a daughter..." Mom said, avoiding looking at me. "I was never pregnant."_

"_Not yet." He said, his voice hitching in his throat._

_I stared at her, dumbstruck. She was so young. It was like she was cut directly out of my photographs of her. She was everything I imagined. _

_Her eyes scanned to me and landed on my face. Her bottom lip trembled. "Eleanor.. after my mom." _

_My heart squeezed as I nodded, unsure what to say. Her eyes scanned from me, to Dean. "She looks like you." Her voice broke, and Dad grabbed her elbows to keep her steady. _

"_Hey, easy." _

_It wasn't real. None of it was. _

"_Eleanor..." She reached for me now, and I met her in the middle. I couldn't help it. How could I shy away from her? It was probably the only chance I'd ever get to meet her, after all. Dad let her go, and she gripped my forearms, her eyes catching mine. _

"_Hi, Mom." I breathed, my eyes stinging. _

_I could hear Dad suck in his breath. I knew if I looked at him his expression would likely match my own. He wanted me to meet her as much as I wanted to meet her. _

_She reached forward and touched my cheek. "You're mine. Ours. I can tell." _

_It was all in Dad's head. I knew that, logically, but there was something solid in her touch. The warmth of her palm against my cheek. She was real, and alive in his memories. Even after all this time. "Mom..." She was so beautiful. _

"_Are you happy?"_

_She caught a tear before it could escape my eye. "Yes." _

_She looked to Dad. "Is he?"_

"_He misses you."_

_Mom smiled a bit, and it looked sad. "I didn't get to see you grow up."_

"_Don't be sad." My heart squeezed. "I had a good life. I have a good life with Dad." _

_Dad came up behind Mom and put his arms around her, holding her tightly. He looked like he was holding her together, but in truth, her back pressed against his chest was keeping him from collapsing. _

_My eyes flickered to his. They were glowing green, and red against the edges. "Dad.. .this isn't real." I said, my heart breaking along with his. "I... I want it to be, but it isn't. Mom's dead. She has been my whole life." _

_Her hand moved from me and she turned to look at Dad, her expression full of fear. "Don't.. Dean don't leave me."_

_He wrapped his arms around her more tightly, cradling the back of her head. "Shh, Hey. I've got you. It's okay." _

"_Dad." I said a little louder. We were running out of time. _

"_I know, El, give me a sec okay." He intertwined his fingers with her curls and pulled her closer, his face in her hair. "Hey, Sweetheart, I've got you. I love you, you know that? Always did."_

_I watched him with her. He held her tight, despite knowing it wasn't real. I realized in that moment, watching him with her, why he never dated. I understood, finally, that a part of him died with her that day. The part that allowed himself to love another person so uniquely and fully. I could tell in the twitch of his lip that he loved her differently than me, than Sam, Cas, or Jack. I wanted him to have that. I wanted us to have this._

"_Hey, Hey. We don't do that." He said, pulling away wiping her tears with his thumbs. _

"_Easy for you to say, big cry baby." She said, reaching up to wipe his own tears._

"_Hey.. I'm not cryin. It's just the rain." He said, not bothering to look up at the empty, cloudless sky._

"_The rain.. like the first night you told me you wanted this. All of it."_

"_Exactly like that." He ran his thumb along her jaw and leaned in to kiss her._

_I suddenly felt like I was witnessing something private, so I let my mind pull back a bit. We'd been in here too long. I heard it, then. The banging. The scratching. Yelling. Micheal._

"_Dad.. we've gotta." I turned to them._

"_I know." He said softly, his eyes never leaving Moms. "I'm sorry that I have to leave you again, Sweetheart. Seems like we're always doin that, aren't we?"_

_She nodded, her lips trembling. "Guess we are." _

_He leaned down, capturing her lips in his for one more, deep, and long kiss. He pulled away after a moment, pressing his forehead to hers. _

_Goodbye is always the hardest part. The endings. I didn't realize I was crying until I tasted salt on my lips. I licked the tear away and reached a hand out for him. "Come on, Dad. It's time." _

"_Okay." He whispered, his voice pained. "Okay." He let her go, and turned, taking my hand. A cool breeze picked up her hair, seeming to swirl around her as she watched us leave, lips open with the words she wanted to say. Words that Dad couldn't hear. It was his head, after all, and I got the impression that they never got to say goodbye. Not really. _

I pulled my hands away from Dad's temples, returning to the normal world. I felt like I was going to fall over, pass out and sleep for a week. Probing his mind took every ounce of energy I had, plus some extra.

He stirred a bit.

"Hey, Dad. You're doing good. I'm here, come on."

I gasped as two rough hands gripped my shoulders, yanking me backwards. I didn't have a chance to look at my attacker before fingers curled into my hair and slammed my head against the wall, knocking me unconscious.

Dean

"The fuck?" I came to, my vision still peppered along the edges as I pulled myself into consciousness. El was in my head. She brought me back. I wanted Ava back so badly that I easily believed the lie. Again. I shook my head, trying to keep myself from slipping back out of consciousness.

"I've heard about you, Dean Winchester." A low voice boomed from across the room. "You've had your hands in all the honey pots. Hell, Purgatory, Heaven, you've had the Mark of Cain, you've been a demon and now... an arc angel is locked inside of you. That sounds like the perfect addition to my collection. Let's let him out, shall we?"

"No thanks." I grunted, pulling at my restraints. I was hanging by my wrists from the ceiling, and fuck did it hurt. "Trust me, you don't want to meet Micheal. He's a dick."

A dark laugh came from across the room. I squinted, trying to assess my surroundings. I was in a fucking concrete room. The only light seemed to be right in my eyes, leaving the rest of the room in shadow. "We'll see, won't we?"

"What'd you do with my brother? You need a giant to add to your little collection, too?"

"I was going to use him for leverage." The main stepped out of the darkness, holding a blade in his hand. The tip rested on the pad of his index finger, and he spun it, not pressing hard enough to break the skin. He had stark white hair, but even with his age his skin was mostly smooth and pale. "But then, imagine my surprise when I found this little bunny."

He turned and pushed out a gurney. The wheel squeaked, and whined. My breath hitched in my throat as Eleanor's face came into view under the light. Blood ran down her face from where she clearly was hit. "Motherfucker I will _kill you!_" I shouted, fighting against my chains.

"Aw, no you won't, but I will kill her. Your daughter, right?"

A hot, angry tear rolled down my cheek as I realized I was too fucking weak to break out. The poison was still pulsing through my veins. "Hey... hey, fuck face." I groaned, jingling the chains, trying to get his attention. "She... she's psychic." I bit out. "Don't hurt her. Won't she be a good addition to your collection?"

We would get out of this, but fuck I had to keep her alive until we could.

"Psychic?" He raised an eyebrow. "Is that what she was doing when I came in? With her hands on your head?"

"Yes."

"She doesn't need her fingers to use her brain." He decided after some careful silence.

"What?" My voice was pained, as I watched him run the blade down her arm, not slicing her, not yet.

He lifted up her hand. "You don't even need all ten fingers. You know that?"

He was going to cut off her fucking fingers.

"Sammy!" I shouted out desperately. I didn't know what to do. Micheal couldn't come out of my head. He would destroy the planet. I couldn't resist, though, or Nel would have nubs where her fingers were supposed to be.

"He can't hear you, Dean." He man, Larkin, said with a laugh. "Sorry to say, the Winchester's have been less than impressive to me."

Larkin ran the blade against her arm again, slicing into it now. She groaned in her sleep, and I wanted to look away. I wanted to, but I couldn't. My daughter. My fucking baby. I wanted to kill him. "I'm going to gut you, you fucking bastard!" I screamed out. "It's okay, Nel. I'm here!" I shouted out desperately. I just hoped she wouldn't wake up. I hoped that she'd stay passed out, so maybe she'd miss the pain. I'd still love her even if she had nubs for fingers.

My eyes were so focused on the blade against her skin and the pull of the metal chains against my wrist, and the ache of my shoulders as I tried to push close enough to her to help. To fight. To hold her. To do fucking _anything _other than be a helpless goddamn rag doll.

I was so focused on the look on her face, and the blood pooling on her arms, that I didn't hear the click. I didn't see her step out of the shadows. "Get away from my fucking girlfriend." Claire Novak said, before she pressed on the trigger and blew Larkin away. A perfect shot right between his eyes. He fell back, his face frozen in shock.

I let out a sob I didn't know I was holding, and I slumped a bit.

"Claire, check her out. Make sure she's okay."

"Hey, Ella." She said, already ahead of me. "What'd I say about not getting hurt? You Winchester's, so goddam stubborn." She held her face, and Nel didn't respond.

"Fuck, Claire, is she alive?" I asked, my voice shaking.

Claire pressed two fingers to her pulse point and after a moment she let out a breath of relief. "She's alive, but her pulse is a little weak. We need to get her to the hospital. You too." She looked at me for the first time. "You look like shit."

"We need to find Sammy and Cas." I said weakly.

"Jacks already working on untying them."

"You three are the rescue squad?"

Claire shrugged. "Saved your asses, so yeah. Guess we are."

"Fuckin hell." I shook my head. "You did good, kid."

—

We got to take Nel home the next day. She had a concussion, and four stitches on her forehead from when she was hit, and six on her arm.

"Come on, fighter." I said, leading her into the kitchen. "Want me to make you something? You're supposed to eat with the pain pills."

"I don't want the pain pills." Nel rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, really."

Claire's eyes met mine and she shrugged. It's hard raising an independent woman, when all I wanted to do was smother her so she could never get hurt again.

"Alright, fine. You got it." I turned to grab a beer from the fridge.

"Dad?" She squeaked, and I turned to her. Claire and Jack were settling next to her, Sam, and Cas followed us in carrying our duffle bags.

"Yeah?"

She reached into her pocket and held out a small white sphere. Lackluster in the dim lights of the bunker. "Got this for you."

"Is that?"

"The Pearl." She said, softly, rolling it in her fingers.

"Shit." I exhaled, I glanced at Sam. It looked uneventful, like a piece of plastic. I cleared my throat awkwardly. "So, what do I..?"

Sam shrugged, eyeing the pearl. "I don't know. I guess you hold the pearl and I don't know. Concentrate on what your heart desires?"

I grunted. "Michael outta my head. Got it." I reached for the pearl, but before I could take it in my hand and the lights flickered. "That doesn't seem like a good sign." I commented gently. The lights clicked off with a groan, leaving us painted in the red emergency lights. I pinched the bridge of my nose. "This is why we don't get our hopes up." I said with a sigh.

"Ow, what the..." Sam said stumbling forward.

"Sammy what?"

It happened so fast.

"Something hit me!" Sam said, turning quickly, only to get his feet knocked out from underneath him.

I pulled my gun out from the back of my pants and clicked off the safety. My eyes scanned the dark room. "Come out you son of a bitch." I growled, suddenly wondering if Micheal _was _out of my melon after all. _Not exactly what I was asking for. _I groaned internally. Maybe I didn't have to touch the Pearl.

"Dad?" El asked, her voice weak.

My knees buckled as I was hit from behind. I fell forward, cursing internally for letting myself be distracted. I rolled onto my back, my gun pointed up at my attacker.

"Dean." Sam said breathlessly.

The lights flickered back on, the fluorescent lights of the bunker humming gently.

She hovered over me, her black curls falling into her face. She squinted in the light, her blue eyes adjusting to the change. She wore her favorite sweatshirt. I recognized it, but it couldn't... she couldn't be. My head was spinning.

"Dean?" She asked after a moment.

_Fuck, she looks exactly the same._

I couldn't bring myself to answer.

"Sam?" Her eyes peeled from me and trailed up to my brother.

"Dean." Sam responded, bewildered.

I sat up, slowly standing on weak legs. "Ava."


	7. Sixteen Years and One Love Later

Chapter Seven

Sixteen Years and One Love Later

Dean

Time stopped. I swear to God everything just stopped. My breath in my throat. Blood in my veins. The air was thick and everything just fucking stopped.

Her lips were open slightly to let out a shaking breath. Her blue eyes were wide, in shock, and trailing my face through dark eyelashes. She wore her police academy sweatshirt, and her hair hung at her shoulder like the last night I saw her. Fuck she looked exactly the same. Her face was young. I was speechless.

I was still poisoned by the djinn. Had to be.

She leaned over me and whispered my name again, running her thumb over the wrinkles around my eyes. "Dean."

"This isn't real." I didn't know why else to say.

"Dad." El said cautiously, but I ignored her. I could peel my eyes away from Ava. She poofed in here out of thin air. How far did this djinn rabbit hole go?

"Get off me." I said suddenly. I looked around, my eyes darting rapidly. Where was I? When did we get back to the bunker? "Get the fuck off of me!" I wailed, putting hands on either side of her to gently push her away.

It didn't take long for her to scramble off of me and back up cautiously. "Okay motherfucker. You got me. I'm ready to talk." I shouted angrily, my fists clenching.

My brother and Cas stared at me with tight jaws. Like I was going insane. They were in my head. It was all in my head. "Come on!" I screamed, grabbing the back of a chair. I raised it above my head and threw it as hard as I could. It clattered and broke against the wall of the bunker. El let out a scream, and I watched Claire pull her against her chest. El buried her face in Claire's shoulder, her hand opening, and the white pearl bounced onto the floor, settling at her feet.

"Dean." Cas murmured, in front of me. I turned to him and he pressed two fingers to my forehead. "I'm sorry."

—

I was still drunk with sleep, but I could feel a tickle on my nose. "Daddy."

I sniffled a bit, feeling her finger run along the bridge of my nose. She knew I was grumpy when I woke up, so she always approached cautiously. She had since she was little. "Eleanor?" I groaned, my eyes fluttering open.

"Dad, I'm so sorry." Her voice broke. She was crouching by the bed so she could be face to face with me. "I messed up."

"What are you talking about?" I rubbed my eyes, sitting up slowly. I wasn't sure when I fell asleep, but it was heavy on my eyelids.

"I was holding the pearl..." She got up to sit next to me, and I put my legs over the edge of the bed. "I was waiting to give it to you, and I don't know... I couldn't stop thinking about all that you've lost, all that we've lost... I kept picturing the way you looked at her in your dream. I didn't mean to... I should've wished for Micheal, but I didn't even know I was wishing..." She was rambling. Her eyes were red, as they threatened to spill over with tears.

"Hey, slow down." I said, pushing her hair behind her ear. I was still so tired.

"I didn't mean to bring her back." Her voice broke.

I stared at her and everything came back to me in a rush. Ava. "You.. you did it?"

"I'm so sorry." Ella cried harder, burying her face in her hands.

The pearl. The mother fucking magic pearl brought her back. It brought her back just as she was sixteen years ago when I lost her. I grabbed her face in my hands. "Eleanor Mary Winchester, don't you ever apologize for that. Don't ever apologize for that." I repeated.

She nodded in her tears, looking unbelievably relieved. "You aren't mad?"

"No. Honey, I'm not mad. Of course I wanted Micheal gone, but Ava... your mom, it's more than I could've ever dreamed for."

"Me too." She whispered, selfishly.

I pulled my daughter into my arms. She was so grown up, but in that moment she seemed so small. I could see her like she was five years old again, cuddled into my chest. I kissed her hair, breathing her in before I whispered. "Where is she?"

She looked up at me, and I saw her mouth moving, but I didn't hear her. Before I knew it I was running.

I stood in front of the room Sam and Cas laid her down in, and suddenly I couldn't move. I wasn't the man she left behind sixteen years ago. I was old, jaded, I had a fucking Arc Angel in my melon. I wasn't exactly husband material anymore. I was a mess, at best. How could I go in there and tell her hi, we pulled you from Heaven for this. Surprise! I wasn't sure it'd go over well. I wasn't sure if she even wanted to be back. I just wasn't sure.

I took a deep breath, and let it out. More than anything, though, I wanted to see her. I pulled the door open slowly. She was asleep on the bed, looking peaceful. My heart squeezed at the sight of her.

Part of me wondered if this wasn't real. If I was still poisoned, but my head was clear for the first time in a long ass time. I was focused. She was here.

I walked to her and pulled up a chair next to her bed. She could've been a Disney princess sleeping, awaiting Prince Charming. I wondered if I should kiss her, but I worried that it'd scare her, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Ava groaned a bit in her sleep, and I watched her eyes move behind her lids. I watched her breath hitch in her throat, as she slowly opened her eyes. They looked unfocused and filled with sleep. She was so much more beautiful than I ever remembered her. My old man brain was pulling from pictures, but her face was so much more in person.

"Hey." I said cautiously.

She blinked a few times and sat up slowly. Her hand went to her back and she pulled it in front of her, and looked at her palm, then me. "Hey back." She swallowed and looked around slowly. "Where.. where are we?"

She squinted, and I suddenly realized how this must look. The concrete room looked like a fucking prison. Despite Ella living here, we didn't exactly have a women's touch. "It's a bunker. We live here."

"We... we live here? We have a house, Dean, and this isn't it."

My heart squeezed. "I haven't lived in that house in a long time, Ave."

"I can't be here anymore, Sam." I said, bouncing a screaming Eleanor in my arms.

"This is your house, Dean. I thought we agreed to let Nel live a normal life."

"Listen to me, Sammy." I snapped. I hadn't slept more than an hour since Ava died, and it wasn't just because I was taking care of a baby without a mom. "I can't be here anymore. Not without her. This is her house I made for her... it's not mine without her."

"A long time..." Then it was like she was seeing me for the first time in the low light from the bedside lamp. "Dean what happened? I was in that church... and then I woke up in a strange place in the dark."

I couldn't say it. I couldn't tell her that I lost her. Not again.

"What aren't you saying?" She asked, her eyes searching my face. She reached forward and touched my cheek. "You look different..."

"Older." I said, finally.

"Yeah." She said, running her thumb over the wrinkles around my eyes.

Suddenly I felt the weight of my age. Of every age line. Of the scars on my body from Purgatory, and the Mark of Cain. All the sacrifices. All the scars she couldn't see. I wasn't the same Dean Winchester that she remembered, but somehow, looking at her, I felt like him again. I felt like no time had passed.

"How much older are you?"

I closed my eyes, avoiding her gaze. "Sixteen years. It's been sixteen years since I lost you, Ave."

I opened my eyes, and was met with her blue ones welling over with tears. Her bottom lip was trembling. "How?"

"Lacey... she... she fucking stabbed you." I ran my hands over my face. "I couldn't... I couldn't save you... I'm so sorry. By the time I got to you you were almost gone."

"What about Nel? Is she.. oh god.. please tell me she isn't.."

"Hey, no. She... Nel is great." I smiled weakly, taking her hands. "She's perfect."

A wave of relief washed over her face, but beyond her eyes I could still see her trying to piece together what I was telling her. "She's almost seventeen, and she's going to graduate early. She's smart... just like her mom." She met my eyes and tears bled down her cheeks.

Fuck it. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me. She melted into my arms, and I tangled my fingers in her hair. "I've got you." I whispered into her hair as she let it all out. I felt my own body racked with sobs right along with her.

We were holding each other up, like we always had. She'd always been my rock, there was no denying that. She held me up at my worst, and gave me a whole new life. I just hoped the new one I was about to give her would be one worth having. She pulled back and looked at me with bloodshot eyes. They looked so blue, almost turquoise since she'd been crying. "Sixteen years... god." She exhaled and then her grip tightened on my arms. "How did you bring me back? How am I here? Dean, what did you do?"

My eyes landed on hers. I couldn't tell her about Micheal, not yet. "It was Nel. She had this magical pearl that could grant your inner desire. Guess instead of Taylor Swift tickets, she wanted her mom back. Who knew? Teenagers are so unpredictable." I shrugged, trying to act like it wasn't a huge deal.

"Just like that? No consequences? She pulled me out of.."

"Where exactly were you, Ave?"

"I don't know." She said quietly. "I'm telling you, I was in your arms in that church and then I was here."

I shook my head. "I don't know if there are consequences, but fuck, if I'm being honest, I don't really care. All I've wanted since I lost you was this.. I couldn't say it out loud. I couldn't want it, but I did."

"So you didn't... you didn't remarry?"

I didn't mean to laugh, but it came out of my mouth before I could stop it. "Fuck no. Didn't even date. You're it for me, Ave. always have been."

Ava let out a shaky breath. "That makes me sad."

"What does?"

"That you've been alone all this time. That Nel hasn't had a mother..."

"Listen, Sweetheart, Nel is enough for me. She was enough work, and there was no one who could've replaced you. No one, but I did have Cas and Sam. We were a parenting team."

"Cas? The angel?"

"A lot has changed." I admitted. "Cas is family. He's my best friend."

She touched her head like it was spinning.

"Hey, you good? Is this too much? I can slow down..."

"It's a lot." She admitted, meeting my eyes. "You look so... so sad, Dean. Your eyes." She stared to cry again touching the bags under my eyes. "Christ, I thought you didn't sleep before..."

I placed my hand over hers and I leaned into her touch. "I'm not good at sleepin alone."

"I feel like I missed so much... like I missed a lifetime."

"We get a second chance, Ave." I said quietly. "I don't want to dismiss what you're feeling... I know how I felt coming back from Hell and seeing what I missed, and fuck that was just four months."

"I guess I'm just... I'm in shock. It feels like no time has passed, but then I see you..."

My heart sinks, and I let her go. This wasn't what she signed up for. I'm a forty three year old man looking at a woman who isn't even thirty. When she left she had a baby, and a man her own age, and now she had a teenager she didn't get to raise, and a fucking grandpa who lives like a bachelor with two other dudes and Satans kid. It wasn't exactly what I promised her when we got married. I needed to stop assuming that she wanted this. That she wanted me. "I know... I'm not what you left behind. I'm old." I smiled weakly. "Can't keep up as well as I used to. Sure as Hell crankier than I used to be." I laughed. "Due for a few grays, I'm sure."

"Hey." She grabbed my hand. "Look at me."

I turned my eyes to her, anticipating the inevitable.

"You're so fucking beautiful. You have always been beautiful, Dean Winchester. God, if I would've known you would age this well... I don't think I would've believed it. John was always handsome, so I knew my chances were good, but you. Wow, you take my fucking breath away. I'm not even being dramatic, either, I'm actually downplaying it." She smiled widely. This big, beautiful, light up my world kind of smile. "I don't care that you're older. The only thing I care about is that I didn't get to grow old with you. I can't imagine all you had to go through alone, and I'll never be able to forgive myself for missing it all."


	8. You're the One

Chapter Eight

You're the One

Ella

Seeing my mother standing in front of me, living and breathing was keeping me awake. I rolled over in bed to stare at the ceiling. "You're restless." Claire said with a yawn. "Turn out the light, babe." She reached over and ran her finger along the bridge of my nose.

"I can't."

"What's on your mind?"

"Other than the obvious?" I laughed dryly.

"More like, more specifically."

Clementine groaned in her sleep between us, and I reached down and scratched between her ears. She purred happily in response and cuddled closer to me. "More specifically... I have so many things bouncing around inside of my head." I rolled onto my side to look at Claire in the darkness. Her blue eyes seemed to glow in the darkness. "My Mom is back."

"She is."

"It's all I've wanted my whole life. I've wanted to know her."

"Now you get the chance." She said quietly, pushing my hair behind my ear. "So what's really bothering you?"

"Things are never easy for us, Claire. Never. We don't get to just have happy endings. Micheal is still inside of Dad, and honestly, I don't know anything about Mom. What if she's a nightmare? You remember what it was like when Grandma Mary came back... How disappointed Dad was."

"You're worried she won't live up?"

"Kind of. Or that I won't live up won't live up to what she expected me to be."

"You're the best person I know, Ella. You don't need to worry about that."

"But I do." I said quietly, my voice breaking. "This has been my birthday wish my whole life. To see my Dad happy. To have a Mom, and fuck... what if it doesn't fix everything?"

"She's just a person, El. You can't put that much pressure on her. She probably won't fix everything, but that doesn't mean that you can't have the things you want. Plus, I know she will love you. If not, she's probably missing her soul."

"You're a pretty big softie, for a badass hunter."

"Yeah, yeah. You do that to people." She smiled widely. "It's hard not to be all gooey around Eleanor Winchester."

"Gross don't say my full name. I feel like I'm in trouble."

"Oh, sweetie, you are in trouble." Claire grinned, wrapping her arms around me. She pulled me to her, taking my lips against hers in an urgent kiss. She was warm, and soft. She was present. It was hard to feel like anything could be wrong in the world when I was this close to Claire. Her lips were still minty from brushing her teeth, and I breathed her in. My fingers tangled in her curls as I ran my tongue along her bottom lip.

"Mmmm. Punish me then."

"I wonder if this is what your parents are doing." Claire mumbled against my mouth, causing me to yank away from her.

"What? Gross! I can't believe you. Just said that!"

She busted up into laughter. "What did you expect to happen, Nel? You thought they were just going to hold hands? I'm sure that's why they're locked in that bedroom. What did you think they were doing?"

"Honestly? I don't know... talking. Figuring their shit out. God, you think they just jumped into bed?" I didn't know why the thought was so disturbing to me. Claire was right, it was what I wanted. I wanted my Dad to be happy, but more than anything I wanted him to have the love of his life back. I wanted him to have what I had with Claire. I just hadn't considered sex, not really.

"I don't know." She admitted, opening her arms back. "Don't think too hard about it."

"It's all I'm going to think about now." I complained. "You planted a seed."

"Aw, stop, you little perv." She smiled and wiggled her fingers in a come hereway.

I rolled my eyes and cuddled back into her arms. Back where I felt safe. "God, I can't believe you brought up my parents having sex."

Claire shrugged. "I don't know. I think it's kind of sweet."

"Maybe, but still really fucking gross."

Dean 

I wanted to kiss her. Fuck. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to take her into my arms like she never left, and memorize her body all over again. I wanted to kiss her, but it wasn't about what I wanted. The playing field wasn't level. It was like we were meeting for the first time all over again. She was Ava. She was a fucking angel, beautiful, perfect, and I was a fuck up. I was some old guy that'd been through his fair share of shit storms in the last decade and a half. She deserved to know it all before she was back back.

"I...I've missed you, Ave. More than I thought I could ever miss another person, but I think you deserve all of the facts before you decide."

"Decide? What is there to decide?"

"If this is what you want. If I...fuck, I'm not the same Dean Winchester you left. I don't even know that guy anymore." I admitted, through clenched teeth. "I just don't want you to feel obligated. To me, I mean. You have to see Nel... she's a fucking gift. Best thing I've ever done, Ave. You're gonna love her."

"So, what? You're going to lay out all the cards and then we just decide if we are going to stay married or get a divorce?"

"We've both been legally dead a few times over, Sweetheart, I don't think a divorce will be necessary."

"What do you want, Dean?" She asked me, seriously.

"It doesn't matter."

She smiled slightly and rolled her eyes. "You say you're different, but you seem the same to me." She took my hand in hers. "It matters. If I want to stay, and you don't want me to, then I won't. You're not obligated to me, either."

My eyes met hers. A sea of blue. An endless sky. Looking at her was a fucking Summer's day at the lake with Nel. Sammy teaching her to catch fish while I finish of a twelve pack by myself. It was s'mores in the night time, and stories dancing around the fire. Castiel telling us about the creation of the fucking world. Her eyes were home.

"I'm not obligated to you, Ava, I'm in love with you."

"After all this time?"

"What time?" I reached forward and brushed her cheek. "Time stopped when I lost you."

"It didn't stop, Dean. No time has passed for me." She murmured, her lips barely moving. "But for you... you've had an entire life without me. I want to know all about it."

"Okay." I ran my thumb across her cheekbone. "Fuck I don't even know where to start."

I caught a tear as it escaped her eye. "Start with Nel."

I smiled widely. "That's a pretty damn good place to start." I pressed my forehead to hers. "Come to my room?"

"Dean Winchester, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Actually, no." I smiled a bit. "I just have some things I think you'd like to see."

"Okay." She murmured, putting her hand in mine. I lead her through the hallway and opened my bedroom door.

"Welcome to my humble abode."

"It's..." She ran her fingers along my plain red comforter. "It needs a woman's touch." She turned and smiled at me. "Its very Dean."

"Thank you?" I raised an eyebrow.

She lowered herself onto my bed in a seated position. "What did you want to show me?"

I crouched down in front of the book shelf against the back wall and pulled out the baby books. "I tried my hand at scrapbooking." I explained with a dry laugh. "I sucked, but Cas was weirdly good at it. So... well we got this." I handed her one of the books and sat down next to her.

Ava

I couldn't say the words out loud. It was like I blinked. I blinked into another world. There I was, running my fingers over the front of a scrapbook that Dean Winchester put together. I wondered if the monsters knew that he cut letters out of patterned paper. I opened the book, and sucked in my breath. "Oh, Dean."

Photos of me and Sam the day Eleanor was born.

Every page tore at my heart a little more. Hand written scribbles next to photographs of Dean holding a toddler Eleanor with teeth poking through her pink gums. Tiny pigtails and perfect braids. Bows in her hair.

"Is this the bunker?" I asked, looking at a picture of Eleanor sitting on Sam's shoulders with her arms in the air in front of a weird building that was half under ground.

"Yeah." He said quietly, his thigh brushing mine. "It's weird, but it's home."

"How did you find it?"

"It's a weird story, actually." He laughed dryly. "We came across a demon... a Knight of Hell actually, and along with her came my Grandfather. Like through a portal." He raised an eyebrow.

"Weird, but not that weird for us. Go on."

He nodded. "Apparently back in the day there was a group of guys called The Men of Letters, kind of like hunters, but instead they read a lot of books. Kind of like Sammy."

"And this was, what? Their headquarters?"

"Basically."

"So you thought you'd move in?"

Dean shrugged. "Seems like as good of a place as any. It's safe, full of lore, in a good school district." He offered a bright smile.

He looked so good.

"What else?" I smiled, peeling my eyes away from him and back to the book. I flipped the pages. Stickers of angel babies, ketchup stains, Eleanor's kindergarten graduation. "What do the pictures not say?"

"She has a girlfriend."

I raised my eyebrows and met his bright eyes. "A... girlfriend?"

"Yeah. Cute little blonde."

"Huh. Is she nice?"

"She's great. Strong. A little edgy. She's a hunter."

"Dean Winchester!" I gasped, hitting his arm with an open palm. "You let her date a hunter? Are you fucking bananas?"

"No? Ow. Ave, she is your daughter. I can't stop her from doing anything. She's stubborn."

"She's a Winchester." I agreed with a sigh. "She would always be stubborn."

We looked at each other. There were years worth of pain behind his eyes. Pain that I wasn't sure I could heal. "Our girl is all grown up."

"She's amazing." He said quietly.

I pressed my lips together, trying to find the words. "Lacey was a demon, and I trusted her. It's all my fault that she got that demon blood, Dean. Has it..."

"Yeah. Yeah it has. Just manifested, actually. She's sort of... psychic, I guess. She can read minds sometimes. She pulled me out when I was stuck in a delusion."

"So she isn't..."

"Dark side?" He shook his head. "The exact opposite. She is the light, Ave. She's all light."

I covered my mouth to let out a sob that had been bubbling up inside of me. She's okay.

"Hey, shh." He pulled me against his chest, and I let it all go. Snot and all. "Ave, what's wrong?"

"She's okay... She's healthy, smart, happy. I'm so happy." I was heartbroken for missing her childhood, but Dean was a good father. He was everything I knew he could be. "I'm so glad she has you."

He kissed my hair gently, like he used to. "I was glad to have her. I think I would've lost it if I didn't have her to take care of."

"I know the feeling." I admitted, looking up at him. "You keep saying you've changed. That you aren't the same man I knew, but... But I know you, Dean. You're the same."

"I've just been through some shit, Ave."

"What shit?"

He let go of me and looked away. I could see the muscles in his back tense under his shirt. He was struggling. I reached forward and touched his shoulder, he flinched in response. "You can tell me." I murmured. I already knew what he did in Hell, what could be worse than that?

"The short version? I started the apocalypse, let Lucifer out of his cage, let him posses Sammy... Sam tossed himself into Hell to protect the world from Lucifer. He came back, with his soul gone. Fucking gone, Ave. He wasn't Sammy anymore. Cas went looney tunes a time and again. There were all of these Leviathan creatures that we had to take out. When we cut off the head, metaphorically, Cas and I got blown to Purgatory."

My head was spinning. "The Purgatory?"

"It was awful. I was there for a year, and Sam was here, playing Dad to Nel. That's probably the most normal her life ever was, but she was still pretty young."

I swallowed hard. "Are you okay?"

"It's been awhile." He said with a smile that told me, no. He was not okay. "Then... then uh..."

There's more?

I tried to hold it together, and wait for him to gather his thoughts. "I got the Mark of Cain. Which made me this horrible killing machine..." His hands curled into fists as he tired to level his breathing. "I did it to kill Abaddon. The demon that came in with my Granadad?"

I nodded slowly and reached my hand out to him.

He took it willingly, and gave it a squeeze. "And then... then I died." His eyes flickered to mine. I didn't move. I remained emotionless. He died, but he was in front of me.

"What was the catch?"

"The catch... I woke up as a demon." He winced.

"You're not... now right?"

"No. Sammy cured me."

"A cure? For demons?"

"That's what you're stuck on?" He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, theres a cure for a lot of shit that we didn't know about before."

"Okay, we can come back to that later." I exhaled a shaky breath. "Is that... it?"

"No. I got rid of the Mark of Cain, and it let out darkness... which is Gods sister. Oh shit, Ave. You remember Chuck?"

"The guy who wrote the Supernatural books?"

"Yeah, him. Well... funny story... he's God."

I couldn't control my face anymore. "Like God God. The God?"

"Yup."

"What the actual fuck?"

"Yup."

"He was ridiculous! He was wearing a bathrobe when we met him."

"Sure was."

"You weren't kidding." I shook my head. "Wow, So wait. God has a sister?"

"Yup. She was locked away in my arm making me fucking bananas. So when Rowena, this bad ass witch we know, got the mark off of me it sent the darkness out into the world. It was pretty touch and go for awhile, but turns out that her and Chuck just needed some sibling bonding time."

"Okay?" I raised an eyebrow, feeling like he had to be downplaying all of that.

"She had a thing for me."

"The darkness?" I asked, and he nodded with a shrug. "Of course she did."

"So she gave me something when we got her back with Chuck." I watched his Adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallowed. "She brought my mom back."

I stared at him. I tried to take in everything he was saying. His mom. "Mary?"

"Yeah." He smiled wide. "She's staying at Bobby's cabin right now, for some R and R."

"Bobby! How is he?" I asked, brightly. "I bet he's feeling older than ever after all of this..." My eyes landed on Dean's. His jaw was tight and at the mention of Bobby his eyes were red along the edges. I knew that look. "He... he died?"

"I'm so sorry, Ave. During all the Leviathan shit. It's... it's been a long time."

"But your mom is at his cabin?"

"Oh... well shit, there's more."

"More?" I felt sick to my stomach.

"Not much." He promised, quietly. His forehead was wrinkled. He could see right through my skin. Into the cracks that hide below the surface. I feared that he knew I was about to break. "Lucifer had a child. A Nephilim, is what they call them. A half human half angel."

"The antichrist?"

"That's what I thought, but no. The kid is good. He came out as a full grown teenager." He laughed dryly. "Weird little fucker, but we are trying to raise him. Nel is such a good sister to him. It's pretty incredible."

My eyes flickered to him. Another child. "How old is he?"

"Two."

"Hmm."

"When he was born it ripped a hole in our world. Into another version of earth. One that I never existed in... one where Dad died a long time ago. Before he ever met my Mom. Mom got stuck over there with Jack, the kid, and when we got them out a bunch of others came through with them. An alternate Bobby, and a few others that we lost in our world. It's kind of bonkers, but I just didn't want you to be surprised when you saw him. He's not your Bobby."

I nodded and ran my tongue along my bottom lip. "What else?"

"That's it." He said, sucking in his breath. I could tell he was waiting. Waiting for the other shoe. Waiting for me to run, but I think he forgot, after all of this time, that I am a Winchester. We don't run.

"That's a lot." I admitted slowly, my eyes trailing from his lips, nose, eyes. I locked my eyes to his. "I know what I want, Dean."

"And?"

"You. You fucking idiot. It's always been you." I grabbed his face in my hands. The scruff on his cheek scratched against my palm. "You've aged. You have scars that I don't recognize, but I'll learn them. I've memorized your body before. I've memorized your soul. I will memorize it again." I couldn't get enough of him. There was no more childishness in his face. He was a man, and fuck was he beautiful. "Thank you for staying alive. For waiting for me to find you again, because I believe that I will find always find my way back to you. Through distance, and through time. I'm here. I'm back, and nothing can keep us apart. Not anymore."


	9. Never Let Me Go

Ava

I kissed him. Of fucking course I did.

Dean

I couldn't breathe when she looked at me like that. "You. You fucking idiot. It's always been you."

A thousand times over. A thousand lifetimes. A thousand dreams, waking up in a cold sweat. It was her. It was always her.

Ava

It was urgent, and I felt him give way to me. I took the fabric of his flannel in my hands, and I pushed it back. He wiggled his arms out, his mouth never leaving mine. He sucked and bit on my bottom lip insistently. He only pulled back to reach behind his head, to pull his shirt over his head. I didn't get a good look at him before he pulled his mouth back to mine, tangling his fingers in my hair.

Dean

My fingers snaked under her sweatshirt. I'd never done drugs, well not anything serious. But for the first time I thought I understood addiction. I didn't think I could pull away from her if I tried, and that scared the shit out of me. I'd spent the last sixteen years, and the almost thirty before that, learning how to just be me. Sammy was the exception to that rule, and then it was Eleanor. I tried to keep everyone at a distance for a reason.

There was no distance between Ava and I, and I didn't want there to be. She was right, we had enough distance already. We found our way back to each other time and time again. She found me through time and space, and fuck that has to count for something, right?

Ava

Dean's hands explored my stomach, my back, the space under my breasts. I pulled back a bit, my lips leaving his. I watched his bottom lip poke out, like a child, and it made my stomach flip. I lifted my hands, and his pout quickly transformed into a huge grin as he peeled my shirt off of me and tossed it aside.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He said before pulling my face back to his.

I ran my fingers along his back. He had scars that I hadn't felt before, and it broke my heart. Our lips moved together. Time didn't stop for him like it did for me. Everything changed in a blink. He was Dean. He was still my Dean, but there was more. He had a lifetime of pain and change without me. I wouldn't let him live a second alone again.

I rested my hands on his chest and pushed him down slowly. I hovered over him. I leaned down and kissed him again. He ran his fingers down my back, taking my bra clasp in one hand, letting it loose. I shimmied out of it, tossing it aside. He leaned up, pressing his chest against mine. We were skin to skin and it made the hair on the back of my neck rise.

We were always good at that. Sex. It felt like a familiar song that that was played over and over again. It never quite got old. I could listen to it forever, and I planned to. His hand pressed flatly to his back and he flipped me over. I gasped in surprise as I looked up at him. He was smiling down at me. He always looked so fucking proud of himself. I loved that look.

He leaned down and left open mouth kisses down my neck, my collar bone, leaving purple pucker marks between my breasts. My heart fluttered as he kissed down my stomach and along my pant line. "Dean." I murmured looking down at him.

He smirked up at me, hooking his thumbs in the waistband of my pants. I lifted my hips slightly to allow him to shimmy me out of them. He ran his hands down my stomach and along my thighs. I opened my eyes to look at him, because the kissing had stopped.

His green eyes were wet along the edges and his mouth was slightly open. "Dean?" I propped myself up on my elbows to get a better look at him. He sucked his bottom lip in. I reached up and touched his cheek. "Babe." I exhaled. "What's wrong?"

He smiled, his lips still pressed together, as a tear rolled down his cheek. "I just can't believe you're here."

"Believe it." I whispered, wiping his tear. "And I'm not going anywhere." I leaned up and pressed my lips to his again desperately. "Be with me."

"Okay." He whispered against my mouth, but it didn't stop the flow of tears. I could still taste them in my mouth. I could feel his muscles tighten around me as he pulled me closer.

I kissed him slowly. We didn't need to rush. We had all of the time in the world. We were together, universe be damned.

Dean

About 12 years ago

"Daddy watch me!" Eleanor said from the top of the slide. She was four years old with two bouncy pigtails, and her two front teeth missing.

"I'm watching Princess! You got it!" I shouted back to her.

"Still kind of weird seeing you like this." Sam admitted, taking a swing of his water bottle. Cas sat at the end of the slide to catch Nel at the bottom.

"Like what? Relaxed?" I laughed dryly, giving Nel a thumbs up.

"Yeah, maybe. As a Dad. You're doing well."

"Thanks." I raised an eyebrow at Sam. I didn't need his approval, but I liked it anyway. "We fight monsters, man, and this is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done."

Sam laughed lightly. "That's an understatement."

"I never thought this would be our life, Sammy. That little girl... fuck I can't even explain how much I love her."

"I know what you mean." Sam said quietly.

Eleanor was our Kryptonite. There was no doubt about it. The littlest Winchester was adorable and eternally optimistic. Not to mention that shit eating grin that I knew she got from me.

I watched Castiel lift her up. "Good job Eleanor! You are an excellent flier!"

"Cassiel I am flapping my angel wings like you!"

My heart squeezed. I wished Ave could see her.

"What's on your mind?" Sam asked, bumping me with his shoulder.

"Life." I admitted quietly. "It's hard to think about all the shit we have lost, though, when everything is this sweet."

Sam nodded knowingly. "I get what you mean. I knew the moment I first saw her that nothing would ever be the same again."

"The idea of her changed everything." I admitted quietly. "But I never really thought I'd get to see her grow up, man, ya know?"

"And here you are. That's a fucking win."

I looked at Cas spin Nel around, her giggling uncontrollably. "Yeah, it is." I stood up and jogged to Cas. "I'm here to save you!"

"Daddy!" She giggled, reaching for me.

I plucked her from Cas' arms and held her against me. Her chubby arms wrapped around my arms, and I snuggled into her hair. "Did you have fun with Cas?"

"He is silly." She said pulling back. She put her hands on either said of my face and smiled widely before placing a large kiss on my nose.

"He is." I agreed. "I think it's about nap time, don't you?"

"No!" She whined. "It's ice cweam time!"

"Okay, okay. Fair enough. Ice cream and then nap."

She huffed but nodded in agreement. "Fine, but you nap too."

"You got it, kid."

She rested her head on my shoulder, and I thought she wouldn't make it to ice cream. She was exhausted. "I wove you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Princess."

It used to be hard to say, before Ave I never did. Not to Sammy or Dad or anyone. Once I said it, though, it was like a flood gate. I told the truth, and I'd be damned if my daughter grew up not knowing that I loved her. Not knowing that she was my everything, because she was.

Ava

Present

I could hear Deans heartbeat against my ear. I couldn't stop kissing his skin.

"I'm so fucking tired." He said with a breathless laugh.

"Me too." I laughed against the damp skin above his tattoo. I looked up at him. We made love for hours, making good on our promises to memorize each other again. "Dean?" I whispered, looking up at him. "We don't know what this is. We don't know how much time we have. What if there are consequences to me being back?"

"We will deal with them together." He pushed my hair behind my ear.

"I want to meet her." I said suddenly. I didn't realize the ache I had in my chest for our daughter. The absence I felt for the childhood I missed. "Do you think she wants to meet me?"

Dean sat up a bit and I followed his lead, looking at him nervously. "Ava Winchester of course she wants to meet you. I'm sure she's bursting at the seams. I've been selfish... I should've introduced you already."

"Hey, don't do that." I said, touching his cheek. "We needed this... us. Now when I look at our daughter I'll know that everything is right in the world." I smiled widely my tears welling up. "What should I know? What is she like?"

His eyes flickered away from mine. He was looking past me, so I turned to follow his gaze to see a pair of blue green eyes staring in through the crack in the door in the darkness. "Why don't you ask her?"

"I'm sorry!" Eleanor squealed shutting the door.

My heart was pounding, and I looked at Dean, trying to refrain from smacking him for not locking the door. He shrugged with a smile.

"Eleanor wait!" I called After her, struggling into my sweatshirt and pants. I pushed out into the hallway to find her leaning against the wall nervously.

We stared at each other in the darkness of the hallway. Everything we wanted to say floated between us. I opened my mouth and nothing came out.

"I'm sorry I stormed in on you two." Her voice was quiet, and somehow just as I expected it to sound.

"Don't be sorry." I said finally. "We were just talking about you."

She sucked in her breath and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Do you... do you want to go somewhere? To talk?"

Her eyes met mine and she nodded. "I'd like that."

She showed me where the kitchen was. "This place is like a maze."

"You get used to it." She said carefully before flicking on the light. I turned to look at her, and my breath was knocked out of my chest. My daughter. She was so beautiful with her sleepy aqua eyes and her fathers pout. Her hair was down and messy, and she wore one of Deans band T-shirt's. It looked huge on her. "What?"

"I'm sorry you just.." I felt tears well up in my eyes, and I pressed my hand to my chest, as if to keep it from crumbling under my fingers. "You're so big."

Eleanor sucked in her breath again, a tear rolling down her own cheek as she closed the space between us, wrapping her arms tightly around my middle.

"Don't cry." I said, as my own tears covered my cheeks. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly.

"You first." She laughed a bit, sniffling.

She pulled back a little, but we stayed in our embrace. "You're so beautiful, Nel."

"You are too. You look so young." She touched my cheeks. "I bet Dads freaking out."

"Just a little." I admitted quietly. "Sorry I was here for a few hours and already scarred you."

"It was less scarring than I thought. He's been unhappy for so long. All I want is for him to be happy."

My heart warmed as I watched her. She was poised, and she carried herself unlike any sixteen year old I'd ever met. "That's all I've wanted, too." I took her hand in mine. "He did a good job raising you. I can tell."

"He's the best. I couldn't have asked for a better Dad."

"Tell me everything. I want to know it all." I said suddenly.

She nodded, letting go of my hand. "Okay, but I'm getting a snack."

"Deal."

She walked into the pantry and pulled out a party sized bag of Lays Dill Pickle potato chips and I smiled widely. "You like pickle chips?"

"I do." She said, her cheeks growing pinker by the second. "Dad thinks they're gross."

"I loved pickles when I was pregnant with you." I said softly. "Couldn't stop eating them."

"Really?"

"Yeah." I lowered myself into a chair at the table and she sat next to me.

"I love them, too. They're sour and delicious." Eleanor pulled a chip out of the bag and ate it, before offering the bag to me.

I pulled out one and plopped it into my mouth. She was right. They were so sour. My lips puckered and I felt chills. "Oh my god those are intense." I laughed and she met my laughter in response. "Other than pickle chips, what else do you like?"

"I'm.. I'm dating someone." She said carefully.

"Claire? Your Dad told me." I said with a smile. "What is she like?"

I watched her body relax at my words. She must've been worried that I wouldn't accept her. "She... she's so great, Mom."

Mom . My heart squeezed. It was easy, it was all so easy. It never had been easy for Dean and I. Maybe our chance was in that moment. Maybe it was finally here.

"She's so pretty, and she's had a really tough life. You know Cas, right?" I nodded. "She is his vessels daughter. Jimmy. Jimmy is gone now and has been for a long time, but when she got into some trouble Cas brought her in. I fell in love with her instantly."

"You love her." I breathed. "And she loves you?"

"She does. It's easy. Effortless."

"Being with the person you love should be."

"Is that... is that how it is with Dad?"

I nodded. "The universe hasn't always been on our side... but we loved each other. I couldn't have dreamed of a better love." I touched her arm gently. "He said she's a hunter."

"She is."

"That isn't what I wanted for you." I admitted quietly. "It's a hard life to love someone who is always leaving. Who is always in danger." I thought of all of the wounds I dressed for Sam and Dean. All the nights I spent wondering, especially when I was pregnant. All the times we lost each other.

"I know that." She met my eyes. "I've watched Dad go my whole life. Every day is like the last day, and it hurts, but I appreciate every moment." She leaned in seriously. "But if we weren't a family of hunters... then I wouldn't be here with you right now."

I nodded and pulled her into a hug. "You're right. I wouldn't change anything about your Dad. You can't help who you love, Nel. I know that better than anyone, but just be careful with your heart. You only get one."

"Dad always says if it hurts that means its real."

"He's smart." I said, pushing her hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry, Nel." I pressed my lips together.

"Sorry for what?"

"For dying. For leaving you. I was supposed to be here."

Eleanor laughed quietly. "You're made for each other, you know that?"

"What?"

"You and Dad." She shook her head. "You can't apologize for something you have no control over. Plus, the past doesn't matter. All that matters is that we are together now. We are a family."

"She's right, you know." Dean said from the doorway. His arms were crossed and he leaned against the doorframe. "Sorry to interrupt."

"No you aren't." Nel said with a wide grin.

"You're right." He walked toward us. He wore a pair of sweats and an AC/DC t-shirt. "I'm a selfish asshole, and I wanted my girls."

I stood up, unable to stop myself, and I wrapped a single arm around him. Eleanor followed my lead and hugged him from the other side. The three of us folded into each other. Like it was always supposed to be.

"Nel?"

"Yeah Dad?"

"Thank you." He breathed.

Even if it was just for a second, everything was perfect.


	10. Michael

Chapter Ten

Michael

Dean

"What do you mean she's back?"

"What I just said." I rubbed my face, speaking into my cell phone.

I could picture Mom's face. Her eyes wide, and her mouth slightly open. "How did this happen? How are you feeling? Is she…"

"Slow down." I grunted and glanced at Ava, who was sleeping on the couch cuddled next to Nel. We were all three up all night talking. Talking about everything, but Michael. I was grateful that my daughter was clearly on the same wave length as I was. Don't tell her about Michael, not yet.We didn't want everything to blow up. I climbed the stairs and pushed into the early morning air. It was twilight and the world looked cool. The leaves on the trees were brown and dying, and the air had a chill to it. "It was a magical pearl. Supposed to be a solution to the whole Arc Angel problem. It gave our deepest desire, and turns out Nel's deepest desire was to have her Mom back. Guess like father like daughter, huh?" I laughed humorlessly.

"Oh, honey."

"Don't." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Everything is good. Spectacular, actually."

The sky was a deep, dark blue. The horizon glowed from the sun curling up from below the earth. It was peaceful. Michael wasn't screaming, or banging in my head from what I could tell. Maybe he was asleep.

"But Michael…"

"He's still in there. I can feel him. I can always feel him in the back of my mind, but I got a second chance, ya know? I got to see her again. She's so beautiful, Mom. I can't wait for you to meet her."

"I'm sure she's great, Dean, but…"

"But nothing." I snapped. "Now Nel will have her mom. She will have Sam and Cas, and I got a little extra time with Ave before I go under. It's the best gift I could ask for. Now just promise that when we bring her by that you won't tell her. Please."

"How do you think she will feel when she finds out, Dean? Have you thought this through? You're being impulsive."

"I'm not, actually. I've thought it through. She doesn't change anything." My sternum tugged back toward the bunker, and I glanced behind me. My soul knew she was in there. "She's back, so I know more than ever that I have to do this. I can't leave her in a world with Michael. It was always her." I mumbled quietly. "So just do me that one solid, okay? I don't ask you for a lot."

"Okay." She said sadly. "When will you be by?"

"This afternoon, I think. Gotta talk to her first. Thanks." Click.

Ava. I shook my head, feeling the sting behind my eyes. I sucked in my breath, trying to keep it all in, but fuck I wanted to scream, to laugh, to cry. Everything bubbled up inside of me, and I couldn't contain it any longer. I lowered myself to a seated position on the steps of the bunker, and let the tears fall down my face. She was back. Nothing else mattered.

"Was wondering where you went."

I turned, and caught a glimpse of Sam before he plopped down next to me.

"Just getting some air."

"I just got a call from Mom. She's worried."

I snorted. "She's got a weird way of showing it."

"She tries."

"I guess." I wiped my eyes and sucked in the cool morning air.

"I can't believe it." Sam admitted.

"Me neither."

He turned toward me. "How are you?"

"I feel… fuck. I don't know. Happy, mostly." I sighed with a smile, trying not to fucking cry again. "She's everything, man. She doesn't remember anything after she died. She said was in my arms and then she blinked into the bunker. No time has passed for her."

"But you've had a life time in that blink."

"I kept telling her that and she didn't care. She looked at me and it was like she saw into my soul."

"She does that." Sam smiled.

I'd forgotten for just a second that Sam loved her, too. I closed my eyes to help the stinging in my eyes. "Yeah." I grunted. "She sure does."

"I saw her with Nel on the couch when I walked out here. That went well?"

"Better then well." I smiled to myself. "I never thought I'd get to see that. Both of my girls together. Maybe you should take me out now, Sammy." I laughed darkly. "While things are bright."

"Do you see the rabbits, Lenny?" Sam teased.

"Shut up, bitch."

"Jerk." He countered with a sigh. "Who would've guessed." He looked off into the distance. "That all of this would happen."

"Not me." I agreed. "We have a teenager, angel, Satan's son, a naked cat, and my dead wife all in an old bunker. What a weird life."

"Weird, yeah, but it's also pretty great."

I smiled at my little brother. "I'll say."

We sat in silence for several minutes, just enjoying the peaceful morning air. I yearned for some coffee with a little kick. Something to warm my chilled skin.

"Mom said you're still planning on going in the coffin." Sam said weakly.

"I have to. There's no other choice. We are out of options."

"We are out of options today, but we will find another one tomorrow."

"Sam, please. Can we not do this? Not today. Today, I'm going to go introduce Ave to Mom. I'm going to hold her, and kiss her and probably have lots of sex. Because he's quiet today, but he won't be quiet forever. Which means I'm going to have to break her heart. Again."

"We can find a way…"

"Sammy, just stop. It's over. It's been over for a long time." I smiled weakly, putting my hand on his shoulder. "It's over."

Ava

"I don't have any clothes." I complained, staring at Dean's closet. "I'm not meeting your Mom in my day old sweatshirt."

Dean snaked his arms around my waist and kissed my neck. "New idea, let's not go see Mom."

I eyed him over my shoulder. "Not happening, Dean. I am meeting the famous Mary Winchester." I turned around and pressed my chest to his, wrapping my arms around his neck. "But I do need to go shopping. Plus, I'm sure all of my clothes aren't of this decade."

"You can wear my clothes."

I narrowed my eyes at him and pressed my lips to his softly. "As much as I love wearing your clothes, I don't think they'd be appropriate for public."

"I don't mean in public." He nibbled on my bottom lip.

I tickled the back of his neck and pulled back from the kiss. "Let's see if everyone else wants to go shopping with us. We could make a day of it, and meet your mom for dinner?"

"That sounds good." He agreed, tugging on my curls. "I can't believe you're here." He whispered.

"Me neither."

It was all very surreal. Eleanor and I spent the evening with Dean going over everything that I missed. The crazy times. The happy ones. She told me about the darkness and how Dean was going to shoot himself to the moon. He was always one for the dramatics. She fell asleep cuddled to my side, like she did when she was a baby. I couldn't believe I missed so much, and I wasn't going to miss another second.

"I have something for you." He said suddenly, releasing me from his grip.

"Oh?"

He dug in his drawer and walked back to me. He held my wedding ring between his index finger and thumb. My hand suddenly shot to my empty ring finger. I hadn't even noticed it was gone. Maybe I was more out of it than I originally thought. I looked down at my hand and ran my finger over the callous.

"Your mom didn't want it back?"

"Wasn't hers anymore." He shrugged, taking my hand. He slid it back onto my hand easily. I flexed my fingers, and my eyes landed on his left hand, where his ring still sat. It was scratched up, and a little misshapen, but there it was.

"You never took it off?"

"Not for a second." He laced his fingers through mine.

We were out shopping at the small strip mall that was in Lebanon, Kansas, where we apparently lived. It was small and quaint, and everyone knew Sam and Dean. It was really great to see that they settled down, no matter how unconventional. Dean was touching me constantly, his hand was always on my back, fingers twisted in mine, lips on my forehead. He had been since I'd been back. Nel was ahead of us looking at band T-shirt's and holding hands with her girlfriend.

"I'm Ava. It's so nice to meet you, Claire." I took her hand in mine and she shook it with a strong grip. "I can't wait to get to know you better."

"Likewise." Claire said through pursed lips. I could see her looking me over. She was being protective, and I was thankful for that. She didn't want anyone to hurt Nel. I wanted to hug her.

"Mom, this is Jack." Ava said, referencing the blonde boy that was bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Hello Jack." I smiled.

"Hello, Ellie's Mother." He said before giving me a large hug. "We have not had a mother in the bunker before."

I laughed lightly and hugged him back. He seemed like a sweet kid. From what I heard, he'd had a time of it. His own mother had died, too.

When Jack released me Castiel made eye contact. I nodded to him and he took a step toward me. "Hello Ava."

"Castiel." I smiled. He pulled me into a hug, and I gasped in surprise. From what I knew of him, I didn't think he'd be a hugger. I guess a lot had changed.

"I am happy you're here." He said I to my hair.

"I guess you took my advice." I murmured into his ear, tilting my chin up.

"I did." He smiled. "I took Dean's lead, I chose honor."

"Good." I smiled and hugged him back tightly. "I'm glad. I can tell he really loves you."

"He loves you too." He said with a smile. He let me go and moved out of the way.

There he was, Sam. Tall and broad, with the same shaggy hair. His eyes looked tired, and sad, and he a defined layer of scruff on his chin and cheeks. "Hi Sam."

"Hey, Ave." We walked to each other, meeting in the middle in a tight hug. His arms wrapped around me and I rested my head against him. "We missed you."

It'd been awhile since things had been that simple with Sam. Or that simple in general.

"What about this?" Dean teased, holding out a skimpy black dress.

"Oh please." I laughed and waived him off. "How about this." I pulled out a flannel and grinned. "Hunter sheik."

"Looks great." He kissed the top of my head. "But you look sexy in everything." He said, his voice full of gravel.

I grabbed a few things and went into the dressing room. I pulled a pair of jeans off the hanger, wiggling into them. I buttoned the top and looked at myself in the mirror. They fit good . I moved my eyes up to my face looked really tired, but not like I'd died, and definitely not like I could have a sixteen year old. I sat down on the bench in the dressing room.

It was a lot. It was almost too much. I took a few deep breaths.

"Mom? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, honey. I'm great."

"Can I come in?" She asked, and I opened the curtain allowing her to join me.

"What's up?" I asked her with a forced smile.

"Dad was thinking that you needed some help."

I patted the spot next to me and she sat next to me. I wrapped an arm around her. "Is that all?"

"Yeah."

I kissed her hair. "Nel you can tell me if there's something else going on. I know you don't know me well, but I love you. You can trust me." When she looked at me her teal eyes were full of tears. "Honey." I held her cheeks.

"I'm worried about Dad."

"Why? What's wrong?" I pushed her hair behind her ears.

"I'm not supposed to tell you." She exhaled.

"Baby girl you can tell me anything."

She closed her eyes, and I wiped her tears with my thumbs.

"He's going to be mad."

"It's okay. He won't be mad for long. Not at you. You can tell me. You don't have to carry everything alone. I'm here."

Ella

I could hear him screaming. Banging against the walls of Dads mind. He was scratching at the door. Begging to get out. I'd heard it every minute since I brought him back. His mind was reaching out to mine in tendrils. Wrapping around mine, pulling me close. Dad and I had always been of one mind, but this was more. This was dangerous.

"I know you can hear me little Winchester." He hissed in Dads voice. "I will kill you first. Your dear old dad will watch you die."

Chills ran up my spine. For the first time in my life I wanted something that I could have. I wanted my mom.

"I'm here." She told me, her palms on my cheeks.

"I can hear him." I mumbled through my tears.

"Hear who?"

"Michael."


	11. I Can't Lose You Again

Chapter Eleven

I Can't Lose You Again

Ava

"What if she hates me?"

Dean laughed and kissed the corner of my mouth. "She won't."

"How do you know?"

"Because she's my mom." He laughed again. "I know. You ready?"

I looked out the window of the Impala. She opted to come to the bunker to see us so we wouldn't have to travel out to see her. She had a room there, after all. The kids were setting up the dinner. Sam and Eleanor were going to cook. I couldn't wait to see what they'd come up with. "Give me a second."

"Hey." He whispered, tapping my chin so I would look at him.

"Hey back." I whispered, like a habit.

"Wanna have sex in the front seat?"

I laughed and gently smacked his arm. "Dean come on."

"You come on." He kissed my neck, nibbling my collar bone.

I pulled his face to mine and kissed him deeply before pulling back. "Our kid is waiting for us in there."

"I know." He ran his thumb across my jaw.

"This is weird, isn't it?"

"Which part?" He grinned.

"All of it." I laughed lightly. "Do you think Nel's school mates will think you're a cradle robber?"

"Hopefully."

"You're such a child." I rolled my eyes. "She's so grown up. You did a great job with her."

"Wasn't easy." He admitted. "But she's a great kid."

"I can tell that." I peeled my eyes from his and looked down at my hands. "What about Claire? Does she want to go to college? Settle down?"

"I don't really see that happening."

I met his eyes again. "Dean, I don't want this life for her. I've lost you so many times." My eyes stung. "And you've lost me. She deserves something normal. Something stable. She shouldn't be with a hunter."

"They're in love."

"I know what that's like." I said quietly. "I'm not a monster. I fell in love with a hunter, after all."

"You wish you hadn't?"

"I wouldn't change you for anything, Dean Winchester. You have to know that, but don't you want more for her? The apple pie life?"

"Of course I do, but she's a Winchester."

"And you have her in a private school. She's smart! She has so much potential. She could be anything, but if they stay together... she's just going to have to watch Claire go. Over and over again. Almost die, or even die. I don't want her to have to feel that pain."

"We can't stop her."

"I know."

"I don't want to stop her." He admitted, pressing his lips together in a tight line. "You haven't seen them together." He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead, soft and safe. "They remind me of us."

"I can't lose my daughter, Dean."

"You won't."

"I can't lose you again. I don't... I don't like this life. I don't want to fight the devil anymore. Monsters. When do you get to rest? Why does it always have to be you? I can't lose you again, do you hear me?"

"Ave, you won't lose me. I promise." He held my face and kissed me like he meant it..

I didn't know how many times in our marriage that Dean lied to me, so as far as I was concerned that was the first. The biggest. He knowingly told me that I wouldn't lose him, when he was planning to vault himself up in the fucking ocean.

"Let's go inside."

Nothing would've prepared me for how young Mary would look. God, she couldn't be any older than Dean was. He wasn't lying when he said she was plucked straight from Heaven. I wondered if that was where I was. "Mary." I said with a smile.

"Ava." I could see her watching me. She was protective. "It's great to meet you." She finally melted and pulled me into a hug. "Sorry." She whispered. "I'm not very good at this."

"It's okay." I assured her with a tight smile. "Just be yourself."

"In front of the famous Ava Winchester? The girl who tamed my oldest? How could I?"

I smiled at that and turned to Dean. "You told her about me?"

"Of course I did."

"If Eleanor is any indication of who you are, then you must be incredible." Mary said with a smile. "That girl is really incredible."

"She is."

Dean

The dinner went surprisingly well. Nel didn't burn the lasagna and Sam kept kale out of the salad. We all did a cheers with our beer. I tried my damndest not to feel Ave up under the table, and I was successful for most of the dinner.

Claire decided to give us some space and took a trip up to visit Jody and Alex. I wondered whose idea it was really.

"So, Ava." Cas said, offering a smile. "How are you adjusting?"

"Good, mostly." She said, meeting his eyes. "It's all still a little...weird."

"Tell me about it." Mom said. "If you need anything, let me know. I've been there."

"Was it hard for you?"

"That's an understatement." I laughed, eyeing mom. Sam shot me a look and I rolled my eyes.

"We made you something, Ava." Jack said standing up.

"Oh you did?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You guys didn't have to." Ava said, her cheeks heating up. Fuck she is so cute.

"I'll get it, Jackie." Eleanor said, going back to the kitchen. She pulled out a chocolate cake with the words Welcome Home Mom written on them. She sat it on the table. "It's a little wonky, but we made it."

Ava stood up and walked to the cake. "El, it looks amazing! I can't believe you two made this for me!" She looked genuinely happy, her lips curling up into a smile. She opened her arms for Nel and Jack to curl into a hug. Both kids smiled ear to ear.

This was what my life was supposed to be like. Birthdays. Anniversary's. We were supposed to be happy. Sam laughed. "Let me grab the cake knife."

"We have a cake knife?" I asked.

"Of course, Dean. We need the correct utensil in order to keep the cake together. It may fall apart if you use the wrong one." Cas said, as if he was some cooking genius.

They cut the cake, and Ava took a scoop of icing and stuck it to Eleanor's nose. Both girls laughed, and if Sam hadn't gotten between them they would've had an all out food war. How was I supposed to let all of this go? How was I supposed to go into the middle of the ocean now that she was back? I didn't have the answers, and it didn't really matter. There was no choice.

I went to do the dishes and Mom met me. "So..."

"So what?" I asked her, handing her a dish to dry.

"She's very pretty, Dean."

"She is."

"It's pretty obvious that she loves you."

"And I love her." I glanced at her. "What are you getting at?"

"You haven't told her about the coffin."

I groaned and threw the dishes back in the sink. "Can you not start? I'm already getting it from all angles. I really don't need the extra heat."

"She's your wife, Dean."

"I know that. You don't think I know that? This wasn't a part of the plan." I hissed.

"Hey, does anyone want any more cake? I think Nel is gonna be sick if she has anymore." Ava laughed, coming into the kitchen.

"Nah, Sweetheart, I think we're good." I opened my arms to her and she walked right into them. She snaked an arm around my waist.

"Hey, I was going to ask. Where's John? I figured he'd be joining us."

Mom straightened up a bit and clasped her hands.

"Ave... Sorry I didn't know how to tell you."

"Fuck." She covered her mouth. "When?"

"A few years ago." I sighed. "Werewolf case. They got the jump on him."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." Mom said, weakly. "We all have our time in this world. Some of us get a few times. We just have to take what we get and not live with regrets." She turned directly to me. "So you should be with the person you love as long as you can. You never know when they'll be taken from you." She forced a smile. "I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed."

I let Ava go so I could hug Mom. "Night."

"Tell her." She whispered against my ear, just low enough for me to hear.

Ava

We fluffed the pillows on the bed, adjusting it for sleep. The silence was so thick I could've reached out and touched it. "Dean?"

"Mhm?"

I turned to him, holding my pillow against my chest. "When were you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" He asked, his voice strained. He already knew.

"About Micheal."

He sighed, resting his palms on the bed, his head hanging low. "Who told you?"

"Eleanor. She's terrified."

"Ratted out by my own kid."

"She shouldn't have to keep your secrets, Dean. Especially not from me." I hugged the pillow tighter. "You shouldn't keep anything from me."

"I knew you'd want to talk me out of it."

"Of course I do! What the fuck are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that the world can't have an A Bomb dropped on it, Ave."

"That's always the answer, isn't it?"

He sighed and sat down. He put his face in his hands. "You know I don't want to do this."

I walked around the bed and sat next to him. "But you're still going to do it, aren't you?"

He was silent. That was enough of an answer for me.

"I can't believe you... actually.. I can. You haven't changed at all." I gripped the sheets in my hands, trying not to explode. "So you're going to leave me, and your daughter."

"I have to."

"You don't! You'll find a way... we will! We always do. It's our charm."

"Sweetheart, you've been gone a long time. We have played all the cards we have. There's no more left."

"Stop calling me fucking Sweetheart! I refuse to be complacent just because I love you." I snapped. I squatted in front of him with my hands on his knees.

He stroked my cheek, smiling sadly at me. His eyes looked so green, I could drown in them. They were like the grass right after it rained. "We keep taking turns... it's my turn to go this time."

"You're fucking crazy if you think I'm saying goodbye to you again." My voice was strained. "Dean Winchester, I will not say goodbye to you again. So if you go in that coffin I hope you're prepared for me to climb in with you."

Dean sighed and pressed his lips to my forehead. "Ave, you can't. Nellie needs you. You're so much stronger than I am. She needs her mom. She's always needed her mom."

"I won't accept this."

"Well, you will be two peas in a pod, because she said she won't either."

"I just got you back." I didn't want to cry. I was a grown ass adult. I should be able to understand, but it didn't mean I had to like it. "We are together. We can finally have our life... I've missed so much." I didn't want to cry, but I didn't have a choice. My eyes spilled over and Dean pulled me into his arms, on his lap.

"I know, baby." He whispered into my hair. "It isn't fair. But not much about my life is fair. I'm just happy I get this. No matter for how long."

"So how long do I have?"

"I don't know." He admitted.

"I didn't sign up for this, Dean."

"Yes you did. You're just angry that you did. You knew who I was when you married me."

"I was full of pregnancy hormones."

"You love me."

"I'm in love with you, Dean. There was no question about if I loved you." A tear rolled down my cheek. "I can't let you do this."

"Try to stop me." He said, seriously. "You won't get far."

Ella

"Dad?"

He looked up at me from his cup of coffee with a weak smile. "Hey, kiddo."

"I heard you guys fighting." I said, sitting down next to him, pouring myself a cup of coffee.

"I'm sorry, Nel. We didn't want you to hear that."

"It's fine." I smiled and touched his arm. "I feel like it's what having two parents is really like."

He snorted and took another sip of coffee. "You're probably right. Still want you to have the illusion that things are good. That's my job as your dad." He reached forward and touched my nose.

"We were never like that, Dad." I took a sip of my own black coffee, and I made a face. He slid me the creamer. "You know, I used to watch Gilmore Girls when I was younger, and I thought about what having a mom would be like."

"That's the one with the kid that looks like Sam, right?"

I laughed lightly. "Yeah, that's the one. But anyway, I thought about what it'd be like to have a mom... but here's the thing... I never missed out on anything having just you. You painted my toenails, Dad. You braided my hair, and listened to me talk about my first kiss. I never missed out."

"Thanks, kid, but I'm not sure where you're going with this."

"Where I'm going... Dad, listen. I know you think that me having her here is going to fix everything. I thought that, too, but I won't let you use her as an excuse to go into that coffin." I took his hand in mine. "She can't replace you. No one can."

"Eleanor." Dad our His finger under my chin. "I don't want you to worry. I love you."

"I know you do. That's the problem."

"How could that ever be a problem?"

"You spend so much time loving us that you forget to love yourself."

"Wise beyond your years, kid." His fingers left my face and he stared down at his muddled reflection in his coffee. "But it doesn't matter. Because I do love you. I love you, Sam, Cas, Jack, Claire, and fuck I love your mom so much more than myself... so I have to do this. I can't let Micheal out of my head. I can't let him hurt the people I love."

I reached forward and touched his temple. "Maybe I can hurt him."

"No. No way."

"I pulled you out.. maybe I can lock him in."

"I won't let you get anywhere near him, Eleanor." He went to push my hand away, but I swung my other hand up to touch his other temple and despite his resistance, I was in.

"Sorry, Dad." I murmured. "But it isn't up to you."


End file.
